


How to take care of your Allosexual

by Ghoulboyboos



Series: The Ace!Shane Tales [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Ace! Shane, Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Asexual Character, BDSM, Choking, Consensual Non-Consent, Dom!Shane, Dom/sub, Fear Play, Fluff, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Marking, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Possessiveness, Praise Kink, Sharing Clothes, Teasing, Voyeurism, a whole lotta kinks, slight exhibitionism, sub!Ryan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:39:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoulboyboos/pseuds/Ghoulboyboos
Summary: Shane nods. He looks like they are having an academic discussion about wind energy instead of an open talk about what gets Ryan to pop a boner. “Okay so you like being dominated?”Ryan sputters. “I mean… I guess? I only ever had one relationship where it came up sometimes and she would like… give me commands. And I had fantasies while watching porn. But otherwise I haven’t tried it.”Shane seems thoughtful and serious now. He is still fixing Ryan with his eyes.“Would you like to try something like this? With me?”Ryan’s mouth dries up.





	1. Negotiation

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Quiet and cool](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330753) by [Ghoulboyboos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoulboyboos/pseuds/Ghoulboyboos). 



> A continuation of my Ace! Shane fic "Quiet and cool". Shane and Ryan have been in a relationship for a while now and Shane tries to figure out the stuff Ryan likes.

“Do you watch porn?” Shane asks one night. Ryan has settled back into his arms. The younger man has just returned from the bathroom, where he had cleaned himself up after coming undone in Shane’s grip a couple minutes earlier. Ryan looks at him with surprise and almost a little embarrassed.

“Uh, sometimes? I used to a lot when I was single, I’ll admit that. I’m not ashamed of it.”

Shane chuckles. “Nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just wondering what kind of stuff you are into, porn-wise.”

“Huh.” Ryan drops his head back on the pillow while Shane props himself up on one elbow to look at him. “I guess I was pretty basic, mostly. I have one or two stashed away that were really good but otherwise...” He makes some sort of vague shrugging gesture, holding his hands up. “It’s porn. Most of it is very generic, simple shit that is supposed to get you off but by the end of the day it’s just two people fucking. Or more.”

Shane laughs. He drops a hand to Ryan’s chest and strokes over the warm skin. Ryan sighs and relaxes, his eyes slipping closed. They shoot open again when Shane asks his next question.

“Can I look through your folder?”

 

-

 

Ryan doesn’t exactly have a porn folder on his computer, but he has a set of bookmarks on pages and even though he doesn’t really know what Shane is up to, he shows him where to find his little collection and then leaves him to it. Shane spends about an hour clicking through videos, reading tags and googling shit. He develops a bit of a fascination. Sex can be a challenge, apparently. In lieu of a better comparison, he can’t help but think of video games where the right combo of keys gives you the best possible outcome. Replace WASD and co. with touches and toys and ties and you got yourself some real bedroom skills.

 

“Not that I am worried about you looking through the things I used to jerk off to, but what exactly are you doing?” Ryan interrupts his research. Shane looks up. Ryan is wiping his hands dry, just having done the dishes. He stands in their shared living room and he is wearing the T-shirt that makes his skin glow in that beautiful way and Shane knows he looks at him with that stupid smile that tells Ryan how besotted he is with him.

“I’m trying to figure you out. Right now I can’t talk about it, I’m still planning. But I promise it’s something good, okay?”

“Alright.” Ryan grins at him, his expression curious and his eyes don’t leave Shane’s face for another moment or two. “Just warn me in case you want to set up a camera somewhere.”

 

Shane snorts and returns to his research.

 

-

 

“That’s an… interesting dynamic? A bit of a power imbalance.” Shane comments as he shows Ryan a paused video. A woman, mostly dressed in latex stands tall with a guy cowering at her feet. In her hand, she is holding a small riding crop with which she tilts up the man’s chin.

Ryan flushes. “Have you been looking through this stuff for the last two days?” When he doesn’t get an answer except for Shane’s usual “duh” expression, he sighs. “Remember how we talked about these Dom/sub things? I think it came up in the Postmortem of the murder in Room 1048.”

Shane nods. “I know. I have a couple friends who are into it, I know… some stuff. But I was wondering what _you_ like about it.”

Ryan clears his throat. “Why are you suddenly so into my sex life? You’re  already  part of it.” Shane just keeps looking at him.  Ryan yields. “I guess I like the idea of relinquishing control. You have to be on your game and holding the reins of your life every day, it’s relaxing if someone else calls the shots. And… well...” He flushes a little. “Someone holding you down or controlling you or telling you what to do or… teasing you and keeping you from doing everything yourself can be pretty hot, too.”

Shane nods. He looks like they are having an academic discussion  about wind energy instead of an open talk about what gets Ryan to pop a boner. “Okay so you like being dominated?”

Ryan sputters. “I mean… I guess? I only ever had one relationship where it came up sometimes and she would like… give me commands.  And I had fantasies while watching porn .  But otherwise I haven’t tried it. ”

Shane seems thoughtful and serious now. He is still fixing Ryan with his eyes.

“Would you like to try something like this? With me?”

 

Ryan’s mouth dries up. Shane so far has sometimes  talked Ryan through his orgasm. Nothing extreme, just suggestions where exactly he should touch himself, encouragements and praise and the lot. He has stopped Ryan from putting his hands on himself once, instead digging Ryan’s fleshlight from out of the box under the bed and jerking him off with it. Ryan admits it had been pretty hot. Then again, Shane prefers not to be too involved in sex and Ryan respects that. He never knows where exactly to go with Shane when things get heated. He is probably a bit too careful, but he remembers the night when he shoved his boyfriend down into the sofa, wanting to puts his hands on him only to see him freeze and tense up as if Ryan could ever-

 

“Are you… actually offering? Or are you asking me because you think I want you to do something like that?”

  
Shane rolls his eyes but he breaks into a fond smile.

“I’m… Ryan. I know I don’t need to have sex with you to keep you. You tell me like three times a week.”

 

Ryan coughs out of embarrassment.

 

“But, Ryan. I love you. I want you to feel good. And this kind of stuff _is_ interesting and it would let me decide how to do something for you without having to get into the fucking myself. And with this _I_ can decide what I want and _you_ call the shots what you don’t want and I get to take care of you and do something for you. Which I really want. Because we’re boyfriends. I heard boyfriends do nice stuff for one another.”  


Ryan wheezes. “Why is it that you can be so sweet and still sound like an Alien that got here last week, dude? That’s so weird.”

 

Shane shrugs with that tiny smug smile and Ryan walks over and kisses him.

When they pull away, both their expressions have gone soft. Finally, Ryan speaks.

“If you want to take care of me, big guy, I’m all yours to do with whatever you like.”

 

Shane’s smile widens.

 

-

 

“Okay.” Shane says one night when they finished dinner and puts their dishes in the sink.

“If you’re up for it, I have plans for tonight.”

 

Ryan’s skin tingles as he looks up. He has been waiting for a sign that Shane has finished his research since they talked about it last week. Shane has been quiet about the subject and Ryan could have believed that he has given up on the idea again, had he not seen Shane order some stuff online and hide the box from Ryan’s eyes when it arrived. Now Shane is looking at him a little nervously but a hell of a lot excited so Ryan nods and gets up.

 

“Okay. Sounds good. What… Uh, how do we even begin this?”

 

Shane chuckles and takes his hand to pull him into the living room. He motions for Ryan to sits on the sofa and  waits till he is seated before he straightens his back. Ryan looks up.

 

Shane is tall. They joke about it a lot. Right now, with Ryan sitting and Shane standing next to him, back rigid their height difference is extreme. Shane is basically towering over him, looking at Ryan from underneath hooded lids and letting his eyes roam over him. Ryan swallows.

 

“I’m gonna lay down some rules. Let me speak first and then you can add whatever you want to add. I want you to be brutally honest with me. If something in my list makes you want to tell me to fuck off, I want you to tell me to fuck off, understood? You can nod and shake your head.”

Ryan needs a second to take a deep breath. He nods a curt visible nod.

“Good. First: I’m the dominant part and you’re the submissive part. Unlike the general assumption some people have about it, that means you’ll be calling all the shots, understood?”

Ryan nods. He feels strange. They haven’t even started anything sexual, yet he feels heat coil in his belly watching Shane stand there like a soldier, starting a list of rules with one that elevates him and makes him feel special and in focus. He swallows as he feels emotions bubble in his throat.

“Second: No touching me unless I say so. I want this to be a general rule even though I know you won’t break it. But this stuff can get intense and I can’t focus on you in a scene if I feel uncomfortable. I might be a bit high maintenance in that way but I hope that’s okay.”

Ryan nods again. Shane allows himself to lose the rigid exterior for a moment to flash him a warm smile.

“Good boy."

Ryan  _shudders_ and Shane’s eyebrows lift as far as they can go.

“Third:” His voice wavers a tiny bit. “Petnames and other names. I know some people are into name-calling and some people are into praise. So far I think I have only called you nice things. Well, in the bedroom.”

 

They both giggle for a moment.

 

“Do you want me to call you things like “good boy”, “precious” and other endearments?”

Ryan whimpers and nods.

“Okay. What about name calling? There are people who enjoy scenes where they are called things like “slut”, “whore”, “bitch”, that lot or they like being called “filthy” and “dirty” and be shamed for enjoying what is being done to them. Do you want me to do that? I don’t know if I always feel comfortable saying that to you, but if you like it, I’m game.”

 

He pauses for a moment. “I guess that one is more complicated you can answer with words.”

 

Ryan flushes and moves in his seat. Sitting here under Shane’s gaze, being told what he was going to do to him and being allowed to  _speak_ shouldn’t be this hot and yet here he was.

“I’m not sure, actually. I might like it sometimes, when the situation calls for it.”

Shane nods. “Okay. That brings me to Fourth: Safewords. I like the use of colors but you can make up your own system if you want.”

 

Ryan clears his throat. “Colors are fine.”

 

“Good.” Shane crosses his arms. “I will repeat them even if you already know them because I want us to be on the same page.”

Ryan nods. Shane holds up a finger.

“Green is _yes_. An enthusiastic, assured, consensual _yes_. It’s nothing less than “I like everything we are doing right now.” Anything that isn’t fully green is yellow. Understood?”

Ryan nods.

“Yellow is everything from “slow down” to “pause”. It usually means that you need a moment to settle or to get used to a new sensation. Yellow can become green _or_ red. If yellow goes on for too long I’d rather stop the scene and get you out of it than go on. If anything makes you even a little uncomfortable, please tell me, okay?”

His expression is more open now, his crossed arms relaxing and opening slightly. Ryan smiles up at him, just enjoying the caring expression on Shane’s face for a moment before he nods. Shane smiles proudly.

“Red, of course, is “stop”, but it’s more than that. It’s “No, stop, this is over”. It ends the scene. If you say red, I’ll get you out of the scene immediately. I’ll comfort you, if there are restraints on you I’ll take them away, if any sort of sexual act is happening I’m stopping it. Understood?”

 

Ryan nods again.

 

“Which brings us to Fifth: Aftercare. When a scene is over, when we’re done basically or if you stop it, I’ll take care of you. That can be anything from holding or hugging you over giving you a bath or massaging you. After a scene, my time and attention will be focused on you and only you. It’s not about pleasure, per se, but more about comfort. We might talk over what we did and how you felt, or just lie and enjoy stillness for a while. I have read up on a lot of it but when a scene ends I will always ask you what you would like. I might give you a choice between two or more options if you don’t really know what you want. Okay?”

 

Ryan sniffles a bit. He’s not sure what gets him so emotional, but he has the feeling he is now understanding how much research Shane really did over the last few days. He must have read up about everything in such detail, just to make sure Ryan has a good experience. To make sure they have something good together. He nods. Then he nods again. Shane sits down next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

 

“You okay?”

Ryan closes his eyes and leans into the embrace.

“Yes. More than okay.”

He looks up at Shane.

“You do know aftercare is for you, too, right?”

Shane nods.

“I read about it. Adrenaline and endorphins can crash after a scene and it might give you anxiety or sadness. But I’m more worried for you.”

Ryan smiles and puts his head under Shane’s chin.

“Of course you are. How about this: I’ll tell you exactly what I want afterwards and if I can’t think of anything, I’ll say “take care of me”. Does that work for you?”

Shane presses a kiss on top of Ryan’s head.

“Yes. That works for me. I’ll definitely get you water and maybe a snack in pretty much any situation. And I’ll touch you where you want to be touched.”

“Okay.”

 

Shane hums and presses another kiss to Ryan’s head.

 

“Sixth:” He says softly. Ryan doesn’t open his eyes but he perks up.”

 

“I can’t harm you. With that I mean I can’t cut or whip you or anything. If you want me to, I will hold you down, I will squeeze body parts to bruise and if you like, I will choke you.”

 

Ryan shudders in Shane’s arms.

 

“But I can’t injure you. I am not comfortable with that.”

 

Ryan looks up at Shane and meets his eyes.

“That’s alright. I don’t need that. I think I like the idea of being restrained or held down. Not sure about the choking, but your hands on my neck… I would like to try that.”

 

Shane nods.

 

“Seventh: Unless we decide otherwise, we’ll keep everything here. This is our place and our space to use.”

 

Ryan hums in agreement. Shane jostles his shoulder very softly.  _OH_ . Ryan nods instead.

 

“Good. Eighth: If anything comes up during a scene. Anything you want or do not want, you will tell me and I will tell you. If I say “You can call me _Sir_ ” and you don’t want that, you will say “I don’t want that” and I will suggest something else or move on without it. If you ask me to do something and I am not comfortable, I will also say “I don’t want that” and you will accept it. Understood?”

 

Ryan nods again. He looks up at Shane and somehow he feels so full of emotion he leans in, but catches himself. He takes Shane’s hand instead which is resting on his knee and Shane holds onto him.

 

“Ninth: I don’t know much about restraints yet, but if you want me to tie you up, to use handcuffs, bars or anything else, I will do it. But I would prefer you doing the research with me, so I can do it safely. That also includes that if you are restrained or maybe unable to speak, we will use safe taps and safe blinks on top of colors. Okay?”

  
Ryan nods.

 

“I’m finished.” Shane says softly. “You can add your own rules and points now.”

 

They talk until much much later. Ryan goes through everything sexual he has ever experienced, things he did himself, but also everything he heard of or read about. They set a time and place and Ryan feels himself buzzing with excitement. 


	2. Sit and Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Shane and Ryan play out a scene. Shane starts slow and decides to make Ryan sit and watch some porn. The only thing is: Ryan can't touch himself unless Shane says so.
> 
> -
> 
> This chapter deals with voyeurism and commands. Also includes some praise.  
> (I will add whatever happens in the scenes in future chapters.)

Spending an entire evening with only negotiations had not been exactly what Ryan had expected when Shane said that he had plans, but in the end, he was glad it had happened this way. Because now, with rules in place, he could look forward to when they had planned their first scene and even though he was giddy with excitement, the original nervousness had dissipated somewhat.

 

When he comes home on Saturday night, Shane doesn’t start right away. They have dinner, talk about their day and just spend some time holding hands on the table while looking at each other. Finally, Shane gets up, places their dishes in the sink and turns to look at Ryan.

“Ready?”

Ryan nods, feeling excitement bubble up. Shane gives an inclination with his head and walks over to the living room, Ryan on his heels.

Just like the first night, Shane makes Ryan sit on the couch. He nudges him till he sits square in the middle and uses his foot to slowly bring Ryan’s knees apart a little more than casual. Ryan swallows at that, but he gives Shane a heated glare when they meet eyes and Shane’s lips twitch into an amused smirk. He gives Ryan a once-over, apparently satisfied and then walks over to his work station to grab his laptop. While Ryan sinks his fingernails into the cushions, Shane places the laptop on the couch table in front of him.

 

“I want to start with something we both know, okay? I’m going to show you some porn. You will sit here and watch it and for now, that is all you will do, understand?”

Ryan opens his mouth to ask a question but Shane fixes him with a look and he snaps his mouth shut. He nods and feels a tingle in his lower abdomen.

“Color?”

“Green.”

Ryan focuses on at least pretending to chill out while Shane boots up the laptop and picks a video file. The player goes full screen and Shane steps back, rounding the sofa so he is right behind Ryan. Ryan tries to glance at him out of the corner of his eye, but Shane is completely out of sight for him. He still feels the other man, hears him move right behind him and then feels hands settle on the back of the couch. Ryan moves a bit in his seat. He already has the feeling that everything is getting warmer.

 

The video starts. Ryan notices it looks a bit amateur, not the usual sterile studio brightness of a fake living room. This place is warm and the lights look dim. It’s a bedroom, from what he can tell and it has personal notes and doesn’t look like someone’s filming at IKEA. It looks very real.

Two men enter the frame, one is pulling the other by the hand. They are probably in their late twenties, handsome, both of them, but not exactly the usual look porn stars have. They are dressed comfortably and the taller of the two is a nice scruffy looking guy with reddish hair and beard, while his partner is short and slim, with blonde highlights. The taller dude cups his lovers face and kisses him. It’s intimate, soft, there aren’t random groaning noises or sloppy sounds. They are simply kissing and the man’s partner wraps his arms around him. Ryan notices how strange he feels for a moment. His face is heating up and he has the feeling he is watching something he shouldn’t. Maybe it’s the way the video is shot, almost as if someone has hidden a camera in the corner of someone’s bedroom and is now enjoying the view as the two men slowly undress each other, only pausing to kiss here and there.

 

Maybe it’s because he knows Shane is standing right behind him and watching, seeing every little reaction he has and Ryan bites his bottom lip as he has the urge to spread his legs a bit more. The video goes on. While the men undress each other, the scruffy guy drops to his knees and all but worships his partner’s stomach and hips with his mouth. He’s pulling down his boxers with his teeth and Ryan sucks in air sharply. He feels Shane’s gaze burn the back of his neck as he shifts in his seat and tries to move in a way that will put just a hint of pressure to his groin.

 

The men on screen are seemingly getting into it, the one on his knees is mouthing at his lover’s cock and then sucks it into his mouth, causing the other man to groan and whisper soft encouragements that are just loud enough to be picked up by the microphone. Ryan’s eyes are glued to the screen because Shane told him to watch and only do that so he is clearly not allowed to turn around. It also probably means that he’s not allowed to touch himself and the thought makes him whine.

 

Onscreen, the shorter man pulls his lover up and kisses him hard. They clutch at each other and finally, as they part, Ryan hears him say. _”I don’t want to come from your mouth, I wanna come from your cock.”_ Ryan buries his teeth harder in his bottom lip and twitches in his seat as the taller man grabs his partner and drops him on the bed with a laugh. He retrieves a bottle of lube from out of view while the other man rolls on his stomach and spreads his ass cheeks, presenting himself to the camera so perfectly that Ryan feels foolish for feeling like a voyeur. But he does. These two are clearly in some form of relationship and even though they recorded this and probably sold it, he feels like he is hiding in the closet of their space and intruding. It’s strange and it’s arousing.

 

It’s even worse because he is still being watched, every little reaction of his something for Shane to take and analyze and Ryan swallows hard because his throat is dry. He now watches how the shorter guy is being worked open. He quickly has two fingers in him and he is moaning and thrusting back and _fuck_ Ryan’s dick is hard. His breathing picks up and he leans back, hoping that maybe he will brush against Shane’s hands. He flinches as those hands come down on top of his shoulders, hard enough to feel pushed into his seat for a moment. He drops his head back and looks up. Shane is looming over him, a small smile on his face.

 

“Do you like watching them? Aren’t they sweet in what they are doing to one another?”

Ryan nods. He realizes how bared his throat is when he leans back like this.

Shane smirks and lifts a hand to ruffle Ryan’s hair. His eyes slip close and he can’t suppress a soft whine. He is straining in his jeans and it’s worse now that he is under Shane’s observation.

“Would you like to touch yourself, Ryan?”

Ryan screws his eyes shut even tighter and nods.

“Use your words, baby. Do you want to touch yourself while you watch them?”

“Yes!” Ryan’s voice wavers only a bit. “I want to touch myself. Want you to see what this does to me. Want you to tell me what to do!”

Shane chuckles and Ryan shivers as long fingers caress his throat, then wander to the back of his neck to rub a sensitive spot. His head is tilted to the side and Shane’s soft lips press against the skin there.

“Open your eyes, Ryan. Keep watching them. Look how good they make each other feel. Look how well that one takes it~”

 

Ryan breathes in and opens his eyes slowly. Both men are on the bed. They’re facing each other, the taller crowding his lover a little. The shorter guy is moaning with delight as Ryan sees how he is slowly being fed his partner’s dick. It’s a smooth movement as one man buries himself in the other and the man being fucked pulls his knees up to his shoulders. They start moving on the bed together, moaning and touching each other all over. The bed creaks slightly and Ryan’s legs start to twitch from the tension. Shane’s teeth work a mark on the side of Ryan’s neck and he hopes that it will still be visible by Monday. Something about Shane marking him, showing the whole world who Ryan belonged to felt wonderful. He tilts his head even more, giving Shane more space and he hears a soft laughter as response.

 

The couple on screen is driving each other to climax. They have interlinked hands and the top is pushing his lover to the bed, fucking into him while chanting _yes_ and _that’s it_ over and over and the bottom is clearly gone and lost himself in pleasure. He is letting out yelps with every thrust and is working his hips up to meet them.

 

Ryan thinks he’s going nuts and his pants are probably gonna tear because fuck, he’s hard. And then Shane wraps his arms around him and slowly drags his palm down Ryan’s chest. He pauses to flick at a nipple through Ryan’s shirt and all Ryan can do is groan. He is still being kissed and nipped at his neck and it does things to him. Then Shane, who is apparently taking pity on him, reaches down and undoes the button of Ryan’s pants.

 

“So.” Shane whispers in his ear. “Are you ready to make yourself come? You could do it right when they do it. Would you like that? I think you should do it.”

Ryan gulps and his hands twitch.

“M-may I?”

Shane growls into his ear and nips on the earlobe.

“Do it, baby. Make yourself come. I can’t wait to see it.”

 

Ryan curses under his breath and unzips his pants with shaking fingers. He looks up at the screen again, sees the couple fucking and he pulls himself free from his pants and the relief is earth-shattering. Shane brushes a hand up under Ryan’s shirt and pinches one of his nipples and Ryan moans as he starts to jerk himself.

“Look at that. Those two got nothing on you. I don’t think there’s anyone more beautiful than you. Especially like this. Your face is all red and your skin has this beautiful glow. I love your expressions when you lose yourself.”

Shane kisses his temple and Ryan sucks in his bottom lip to bite down. Shane’s praise feels too good to describe and so he decides to muffle his voice, only letting the occasional moan or whimper of Shane’s name slip past. He doesn’t take long to come. By the time the men on screen are clutching at each other and let out loud groans of pleasure as one of them spills into the other, Ryan comes undone. Shane holds him against the back of the couch, one hand playing with his chest while the other is wrapped around him and prevents him from lurching forward as his orgasm hits him. Ryan whimpers again and drops his head back and he melts as Shane captures his lips and kisses him. He allows himself another two tugs on his oversensitive cock, smearing his release everywhere before he sinks into Shane’s arms and goes limp.

 

He barely notices how the video on the laptop cuts out. Shane is kissing his cheek and his temple and his lips and mutters how well he did and Ryan feels a goofy smile tug on his mouth.

 

“How was it?”

Ryan blinks, trying to focus.

“Good. A bit strange. But… good strange.”

Shane chuckles. He kisses him again.

“You did so well. Let me clean you up, alright?”

Ryan nods sleepily.

 

Shane gets up and once he has helped Ryan clean up with wet wipes and tucked him back into his pants, he curls up with him on the sofa. Ryan puts his head in the crook of Shane’s neck and their arms and legs entangle slowly. He sighs happily as Shane gathers him in an embrace and kisses his forehead.

 

“If you didn’t like something about tonight, you have to tell me.”

Ryan feels sleepy but he clutches onto Shane reassuringly.

“I liked it. All of it. It was a bit strange at first, but I like it when you tell me what to do. I like it when you have control of how I get aroused and cum. That was really hot.”

Shane pulls back and looks at him. Ryan is sure to see a bit of pride in his boyfriend’s face.

“I’m glad.” Shane kisses him again. “I want to make you feel all kinds of good."

Ryan giggles.

“You certainly started it the right way.”


	3. Stay and Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan knows Shane has bought at least one toy to play with. He finally finds out what it is. Shane is a tease and Ryan loves it.
> 
> -
> 
> This chapter deals with tease and denial. As always there's praise.  
> Heads up for emotional sub-drop at the end, but ends happily with aftercare.

Ryan finds out what kind of toy Shane ordered the next time they are “playing”. Shane asks him in the morning, when they are having breakfast.

 

“We can do something tonight. If you want, that is.”

Ryan pauses, coffee mug halfway to his face.

“You… you want to have me tonight?”

Shane gives him an endearing look at the wording.  
“Only if you want. We can just hang and watch movies. But if you’re up for it, I sure would like to play with you.”

Ryan flushes.

“Sure.” He manages. “I would like that.”

 

They come home from work together. Shane waits till Ryan has taken off his shoes and jacket before he moves into his space, presses him against the wall and kisses him. Ryan lets out a surprised noise before his fingers tangle into Shane’s hair and he kisses back. Shane is a fantastic kisser. While they usually just make out in a soft way, not much more than nipping and letting their tongue slip once or twice, Shane knows how to claim Ryan’s mouth if he has to. He coaxes it open, pressing Ryan against the wall even harder and the shorter man feels his knees go a little weak.

 

Shane grabs onto his hips and pushes them back and Ryan is pinned and loves it.

 

“Do you want to be good for me, tonight?”

Ryan’s eyes widen and he instinctively presses closer.

“Y-yes, Sir.”

Shane grabs Ryan’s wrists and places them above his head, pushing them hard against the wall. Ryan whines a little as Shane starts biting at his neck. He sometimes hates how quickly Shane found out that his neck is so sensitive. Somehow, Shane can manage to turn him soft and nearly liquid just with a few kisses or nips to it. When they just kiss or snuggle, it’s relaxing and sweet, but right now, pinned to the wall, it’s exciting and wild. Ryan loves how Shane can just tower over him and envelop him completely. Sure, Ryan is strong and if he wanted to, he could just push Shane away. But the feeling of the strong grip on his wrists and the way Shane’s chest is pressed against his causes Ryan’s knees to shake. He knows he can just give himself up completely and allow Shane to take control. And it feels way too good.

 

“Getting excited, aren’t you?” Shane’s voice is low in his ear and Ryan gasps.

“Please. Sir, touch- touch me?”

“Touch you? Is that what you want, hm?”

“Yes. Anything. Any touch. Please!”

“Very well.”

 

Shane yanks him forward and Ryan nearly stumbles against him. They turn and Shane starts pushing him backwards, still holding onto his wrists. Ryan is staring into Shane’s eyes and sees his pupils blown wide and excited. He carefully walks backwards, trusting Shane to lead him safely. Shane kisses him again, halfway through the flat and Ryan moans, wants to get his hands on Shane but they are still held in a grip. He nearly yelps when something hits the back of his knees and he’s pushed backwards. It’s only when he falls on his back and onto their mattress that he realizes he’s in their bedroom.

 

Shane smiles down on him, or rather smirks, as he crosses his arms and nods towards Ryan.

 

“Strip.”

 

Ryan gulps and rushes to follow the instruction. He yanks his shirt over his head, sending his glasses clattering to the ground but he doesn’t even care. Shane chuckles as Ryan chucks his shirt through the room.

 

“No reason to rush, baby. You know I love looking at you.”

 

The breath stutters in his lungs, but Ryan manages to slow himself. He lies on his back again and slowly undoes the top button of his jeans. It feels a little ridiculous, but he still rolls his hips as seductively as he can while he pushes both his pants and underwear down. He kicks them off the bed and shuffles back into the center. Shane seems amused by him, but as Ryan looks up, the gaze softens.

 

“You know, I’m not the best judge, but I’d say that was pretty sexy.”

 

A smile blossoms on Ryan’s face. He’s tempted to laugh, but the moment feels very raw and earnest, so he just looks up at Shane and wills his heartbeat to calm a bit. Shane finally uncrosses his arms and moves. He crawls onto the bed and kisses Ryan. Ryan hums into Shane’s mouth and follows the gentle push of his hands to lay down again. Shane’s hands start to roam over his body, warm skin brushing warm skin and it is really nice, even though Shane is fully dressed and Ryan isn’t allowed to touch him. No touching during scenes unless Shane tells him to. Ryan fists his hands in the sheets so he doesn’t accidentally grab at him.

 

“So beautiful...” Shane whispers against his mouth and Ryan wants to scoff.

“No. Really.” Shane pulls back to look at him. “You’re beautiful. You are every day but especially like this.”

He brings up a hand to cup Ryan’s face and Ryan closes his eyes for a moment to lean into it. Shane only continues speaking when Ryan opens his eyes again.

“Like this, you are my beautiful boy. You’re being so good, doing whatever I ask of you. Now, do you want to be even more good?”

Ryan’s eyes are wide and he is nodding. It takes him a moment to speak.

“I want to be good. Please, Sir. What can I do?”

Shane kisses his forehead and Ryan’s eyelids flutter.

“Lie down on your back, make yourself comfortable. But no touching yourself, alright?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Ryan shuffles a bit until he finds a comfortable position. He pulls a pillow under his head and lets his arms drop to the left and right of it. It’s hard to relax, especially since he’s at half mast since Shane has shoved him into the wall. But their room is warm, the lights are dimmed and Shane is getting up to grab something from another room. Ryan wills himself to relax. Shane has clearly prepared everything for tonight and sure, he can’t wait to see it, but that also means that Shane took the pressure of planning the night off of his shoulders and Ryan can just lie here and take it and just wait for Shane’s instructions.

 

He’s almost dozing off when the bedroom door closes and he peeks at Shane through his eyelids. His Dom is holding the mysterious box he has ordered a while ago and pauses to look at Ryan with a soft smile on his face. He places the box next to the bed and dips his head to give Ryan a soft kiss. Ryan tips up his head and whines a bit, craving the contact. It makes Shane laugh.

 

“Patience, Ryan. We didn’t even start yet.”

 

Ryan huffs, contemplating to be bad and whine a bit more, but he settles back on the bed. It was probably better to behave for now. He watches as Shane digs through the box which is out of his line of vision, so Ryan just settles on looking at Shane. He still feels a little silly when Shane calls him beautiful during scenes. He doesn’t doubt him, but after years of knowing body image issues of both himself and others and mostly hearing the term used for women, it still feels a bit odd to him. Shane looks at him so honestly when he calls him beautiful and Ryan always wants to answer how much he thinks Shane is beautiful, too. It doesn’t fit in scenes, but right now, he rolls to his side and takes in Shane’s soft looking hair, the eyes that are slightly drooped at the corners, his impressive nose – people sometimes make beak jokes about it, but Ryan thinks Shane’s profile is wonderful, almost royal. Shane’s lips are also incredibly nice. Not just for kissing, but his smile, whether it’s the tiny smirk that keeps his mouth small and catlike or a big laugh they share both at work or at home. Ryan knows he is flushed and his heart is beating harder, because right now he feels so in love he could just explode with it.

 

Shane looks up and meets his eyes and Ryan smiles automatically.

“What are you doing?”

Ryan flushes.

“I’m looking at you. Is that okay?”

Shane pushes up on his knees and kisses Ryan’s cheek.

“Of course. Did you dislike that you couldn’t look at me last time?”

“Just a little.” Shane smirks.

“Good news for you, then. You get to look at me the entire time tonight.”

Ryan swallows and rolls on his back again, watching Shane lean over him.

He wants to speak up, wants to tell Shane how beautiful he looks but he can’t right now, he knows he needs to wait.

There is a movement in his periphery and he looks at what Shane’s holding.

It looks a little like a short crop, but after the first twinge of worry he sees it’s actually a slim rod made from twisted fabric or leather, with a set of tightly bundled feathers at the end. It looks pretty much like a feather duster with a longer handle and Ryan’s skin tingles a bit as he contemplates the implications.

 

“Now I know you’re a bit ticklish, you don’t have to worry about that, okay?”

Ryan nods.

“But I wanted you to experience touch a different way. A lot softer than I usually could.”

Oh, this is going to be a tease. Shane _likes_ to be a tease because he knows what it does to Ryan. He feels his toes curl and uncurl at the implications. Shane seems amused.

“I can tell you like that idea. Do you want to be a good boy and hold still?”

Ryan sucks in a breath.

“Yes. Please-”

Shane hums and kneels on the side of the bed. Ryan is about to babble but he instantly shuts up when the feathers touch his chest. There is something a little heaver underneath, like a small cushion of a soft fabric, maybe silk, maybe something else. The wand drags down his chest, tickling his sternum a bit. Shane twists it just enough to the longer feathers flick against Ryan’s nipples and Ryan hisses. He gets a hush in return so he bites his bottom lip to stifle other sounds.

The feathers trail closer and closer to his groin, getting a little tangled in the line of body hair below his belly button. Just before they would reach his dick, Shane changes the path and brushes it up again.

 

Ryan actually whines at that. The hands next to his head fist in the sheets and he wrenches his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to anticipate the nearly unnoticeable touches. It doesn’t really help. Without seeing the wand, his entire skin tingles and it feels like Shane’s soft movements spread over his entire front. Ryan swallows. The urge to thrust up is already strong but he is sure that would not speed up the process at all.

 

“Look at that.” Shane says with audible pride. “You’re being so good for me. I know how quickly you get fed up with teasing and yet you still lie here and just take it because I told you so. Such a good boy.”

Ryan shudders.

“Think you can endure a little more, my sweet boy?”

Ryan has to swallow before he can answer.

“Yes. I-I’ll try!”

He feels a kiss against his brow.

“Good. So good for me.”

The feathers trail down again, this time pausing to tease at one nipple and Ryan feels ripples of little twitches roll through his pecks. The light touch continues in a serpentine motion over his chest and belly, circling his belly button before dipping in just enough for Ryan to feel the brush of the soft silk base underneath. The wand flicks against one of his hipbones and then rolls over his belly again in a bow to the other side. It still hasn’t touched his privates at all and Ryan wants to whine in frustration. He bites it back.

“Can you take some more, my good boy? I am not finished, not in the least.”

Ryan feels tears of frustration prick at the corners of his eyes, but he nods, still.

“Good. You’re so precious like this.”

The touch trails over his hipbone and down his leg. Ryan spreads his legs just a little, enough to be inviting but hopefully not demanding. Shane chuckles above him and man, did he put up the temperature in the room or was it just Ryan?

 

He wrenches his eyes open to look up at Shane. His eyes are on the wand that is currently brushing the inside of Ryan’s leg, teasing the sensitive skin there. His expression is relaxed but attentive and Ryan could just lie and look at him, if it wasn’t for the constant pressure these tiny touches built up.

 

Ryan looks down. The wand brushes up his leg again, doing small circles and curls to tickle the inside of Ryan’s thigh. It’s torture and Ryan is _sure_ Shane enjoys it. Shane might not be a sadist and Ryan is relatively sure he doesn’t exactly see himself a masochist, but this… This is torture. And Shane enjoys it. As for Ryan, he would be lying through his teeth if he said it wasn’t exciting. It was excruciating – but it was good nonetheless.

 

“Fuck,” he hisses as the wand misses his crotch _again_ and runs up to his hipbone again, over to the other and down his leg again. Shane draws a big circle around Ryan’s hard cock and he seems to enjoy it. When Ryan curses some more, Shane’s mouth twitches into that little satisfied smirk and that was as hot as it was infuriating.

 

Before Ryan can go out of line, however, the wand runs up his leg and finally, _finally_ presses against his balls. Ryan arches on the bed and whines. The touch is way too light to do something but it’s still so relieving to actually _be_ touched there. Feathers continue to tickle his scrotum and Ryan bites on his tongue to keep himself from crying out. The wand slowly drags up, causing the skin to catch on the little silken pillow before they brush it and drop down again. Shane continues the motion upwards, brushing the underside of Ryan’s dick and even though Ryan has hoped for this touch it’s still so soft and nearly-not-there he wants to cry.

 

His mouth opens to call Shane a tease, to tell him to hurry up, but Shane’s praise and the words _Good Boy_ ring in his head and so he settles for a moan and a couple of whines while Shane continues the path upward. Feathers cover the vein that Ryan knows runs up the underside of his cock and it’s a teasing brush and a tickle and _god_ he wants to thrust against it but he’s _not allowed to_ so he whimpers, trying to get Shane to take pity on him.

 

A hand settles on his chest, warm and with long fingers that start to rub circles on his skin, a heavy and constant contact that contrasts the teasing soft flicks of feathers that now brush against the head of his dick. Ryan looks between Shane and the wand, noticing how the smirk widens when Shane does a little feather-duster motion against the head and it’s cruel and Ryan loves and hates him so much.

 

“Sh-Shane! Too much!”

Shane turns to him and runs his free hand through Ryan’s hair. Ryan notices how sweat gets caught on Shane’s palm and he wonders how wrecked he looks by now. His breath comes in short bursts and he flexes his fingers in the sheets. His fingers actually hurt a bit from being clenched so long and he tries to relax but can’t. He is wound up like a spring and since the wand is now trailing the top of his dick back down to his pubes he can’t even really press into the contact.

“You’re doing so well, Ryan. You’re being so sweet and patient and very, very good.”

The hand in his hair continues the petting motion and for a moment, the painful arousal isn’t as bad.

“Think you can do just a tiny bit more?”

Ryan whimpers. He really thinks he can’t. But a competitive part of him wants to push this further, wants to wind himself up even more to see how much he really can take. If he’s taking on too much, he can always safeword out, so Ryan sucks in a breath and forces himself to look at Shane.

Shane’s eyes are set on his and the wand is not as torturous, being pressed against the underside of his erection again, just rubbing slightly, so that the pressure of the pillow underneath the feathers is a bit more noticeable.

“I’ll try. I-I-I don’t know if I can, Sir, but, I want to. I want to try.”

Shane beams with pride and leans in to kiss Ryan’s sweaty forehead.

“I’m so proud of you, my sweet boy. You’re doing so well.”

He kisses Ryan and Ryan whines and arches into it.

“So very good for me. I love you.”

Ryan could cry right now. He feels it somewhere in the back of his throat. Still, he somehow manages to answer.

“I love you too...”

 

The bed dips. Shane is climbing over Ryan and kneels over him, knees pressed in the sides of his hips. Ryan blinks up. In the low light and through the haze of his arousal it looks like Shane has a halo and he is pretty sure he is going stupid and his dick has taken over his brain.

Seeing Shane sitting almost on top of him, the wand balanced in his long, slim fingers really is a sight, though, so Ryan can’t find it in himself to complain.

The wand cycles the tip again, feathers getting wet with precum and Ryan drops his head back with a groan. It’s too much. He wiggles his hips a little to brush against Shane’s legs, have some contact now that Shane’s hand is gone from his chest. Shane answers this by bringing his knees a little outward and taking away the contact. Ryan bites back a dirty swear and shivers.

 

He doesn’t expect the wand to dip against the hole in the head, swiping up the wetness there and smearing it over the bunched up foreskin. It’s too much and too little all at once and Ryan loses his composure.

He keens and jerks and suddenly he shoots up and wraps his arms around Shane’s back in a vice grip. The hands slot over his shoulders and hold on as Ryan pulls himself up, muscles tensing, trying to get closer to Shane. Shane pulls the wand away. Ryan's knees pull up and tighten around Shane’s sides, not quite wrapping his legs around him but threatening to.

“Ryan...” His voice is very quiet. “Color?”

“Green.” Ryan’s voice is strained and desperate. “So fucking green.”

Shane leans in till his lips are touching Ryan’s ear. His voice drops into a low, dangerous drawl.

“Then why. _The_ _fuck._ Are you touching me?”

 

Ryan lets go of him. His arms hover in the air above Shane’s back and his heart rate picks up. He can barely hold his balance in his half-sitting position like this but he has other problems now. _Shit_. He just broke a rule. Shit shit _shit_. He knows Shane isn’t really angry. Had he made his boyfriend uncomfortable, Shane would have simply told him to let go in a calm manner. But _this_. This was part of the scene.

He bites his bottom lip, starts shaking as he allows fear to take over him. It is new and it is exciting. Shane looks down on him, scrutinizing and it’s so unfair. Shane is fully dressed. He isn’t desperate or aroused. He has full control and Ryan is at his mercy.

 

He yelps as Shane drops the wand, grabs his wrists and slams them down next to his head. His Dom cowers over him, holding him in place and Ryan shivers as he realizes how helpless he is.

 

“I’m disappointed, Ryan. I thought you were going to be a good boy for me. I thought you could take it, you even told me so. And yet, here you go and disobey me. What am I going to do with you?”

 

There is a sigh in his words as if he is steeling himself to do something he doesn’t really want to and Ryan whimpers. Shane is a much better actor than he had expected and he feels an odd sense of pride of having this side of Shane all for himself. His heart is beating fast and hard against his ribcage and he wants to get lost in this so he runs his mouth, babbles whatever comes to mind to add to it.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so, _so_ sorry, Sir. I won’t do it again. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything, please-”

 

“Shhh.”

 

Shane’s hand comes up to cup his face. A thumb wipes at the corner of Ryan’s eye and he heaves deep breaths, half because of how fucking hot this is, half because it makes him look even more desperate and he can see the effect it has on Shane.

 

“I won’t hurt my sweet boy. I could never do that. But you have broken the rules and you need to be punished.”

  
He reaches for Ryan’s wrists again, pulling them up and wrapping Ryan’s fingers around the headboard.

 

“Hold onto this. And don’t let go.”

 

Ryan clutches onto the headboard so hard he knows his knuckles are white and strained. Shane nudges his legs apart, pressing each of his ankles in the mattress and Ryan gets the message. _Keep them there and don’t move_.

 

Shane sits back on his haunches to look at him for a moment and then climbs off the bed. He looks over Ryan, spread on the bed with his arms crossed and his expression stoic.

 

 _And then he leaves the room_.

 

Ryan sobs but he bites his bottom lip to keep it in.

 

He closes his eyes because he can’t look around and see the room empty and devoid of Shane. _You did this_ , he tells himself. _You messed up and you deserve this._

 

“Fuck.” He whimpers and he feels his dick twitch. He lies there for what feels like hours but the rational part of his brain – albeit very quietly – supplies that it can’t be more than a couple of minutes. Ryan feels the strain in his arms and neck and shoulders as he clutches onto the headboard, imagining ties pulling him up and taut. His heels dig in the sheets and he wonders if Shane is even going to allow him to cum tonight. He might not. It would be a proper punishment. Ryan takes a shuddering breath and sobs.

 

Ryan has always been better at beating himself up than any outside comments could.

 

He flinches as a hand touches his face and his eyes fly up to see Shane hovering over him. Ryan wonders when Shane came back. Did he see his Sub slowly torture himself in his mind, thinking of how miserable and alone he was in here?

 

Shane kisses his forehead and Ryan makes a desperate little noise.

 

“Color?”

“Green.”

 

It’s endearing. He feels warmth blossom in his chest especially when Shane looks at him with such pride.

“My sweet, precious boy. I don’t think I can stomach this for much longer. But then again, I’m sure you learned your lesson this time. Correct?”

Ryan nods.

“Yes, Sir. I will never do it again, I promise.”

“I believe you.”

 

Shane kisses his temple, then his cheek. He gives him to softest brush of lips against Ryan’s mouth and then he slowly climbs back over Ryan till his knees bracket Ryan’s thighs. This time, he can feel the brush of the fabric of Shane’s pants and the warmth of his skin underneath. Ryan’s dick twitches with interest and he wills himself to ignore it. Shane’s hands reach up and run long, slow strokes down Ryan’s arms. He feels his muscles relax a little because Shane’s palms are warm and dry. The hands wander over his shoulders and his chest. Down his sides.

 

Ryan relaxes. His eyes droop and he lets himself be touched. Soft petting movements as a hand rubs his stomach in circles.

 

“My beautiful boy. If you could only see yourself right now. I can’t help it, I have to spoil you.”

 

Ryan’s eyes have a really hard time staying open and he fights against them because he wants to watch Shane. He sees the blurry outline of the tall man above him, sees Shane bring a hand to his mouth and he wonders what he is planning, but at the same time the other hand is gently massaging his strained leg and he feels himself relax a little. He still doesn’t move, imaginary bonds in place, but the tenseness lets up a bit.

 

And then long, cool and wet fingers wrap around his erection. Ryan breathes in. It’s nothing short of a gasp of shock and his eyes fly open to look at Shane above him. The man studies his face, expression collected and with interest as if he is conducting an experiment. Ryan drops his gaze and sees Shane’s beautiful slim fingers curled around his cock, slowly stroking fingertips over the sensitive skin. Shane has never touched Ryan like this before. He has held him while Ryan’s hands worked on himself or put toys on Ryan, but this is completely new.

 

Shane gives a careful tug and Ryan whimpers, completely overblown by what Shane is doing for him. He wants to babble about how Shane doesn’t have to do this but he’s not in control of what’s happening and Shane is doing this _for him_ and he wants to weep. His fingers dig in the headboard as Shane’s hand speeds up and he moans, loud and desperate.

“How’s that, Ryan? Do you want me to touch you like this?”

Ryan nods desperately and he feels sweat drops fly from his hair and hit his face and shoulders.

 

“Oh god. Shane. _Sir_. Please don’t stop. It feels so good!”

 

He whimpers again as Shane twists his hand and it takes every last bit of self control to not buck up. Shane doesn’t stop jerking him as he leans down and braces himself over Ryan with his free hand. He kisses Ryan, fully this time and Ryan arches his head up against Shane, burying all his moans and whimpers in the other’s mouth. When Shane pulls away, Ryan tries to chase his lips which elicits a chuckle from above that almost makes him cum right there.

 

“My obedient little boy,” Shane whispers above him. “Now. Hold onto me.”

 

Ryan makes a noise that would embarrass him in any situation but this one. It’s need and want and desperation and he lets go of the headboard as all four of his limbs wrap around Shane. His arms fly around his Dom’s shoulders and he clings to his back while his legs come up to wrap around his waist, thighs still spread apart as much as the position allows so Shane has space to work. Ryan presses his face in Shane’s neck and whispers anything that comes to mind, mostly _thank you, please, yes, yes, like this_ and he is overwhelmed because Shane is so close, there is so much of him and even though Ryan envelops him he feels like he is the one who is completely covered.

 

Shane kisses his cheek again.

 

“Can’t resist your sweet little face. I always want to see you get what you want, my little spoiled baby boy.”

 

Ryan drops his head back and moans, open and wanton and he feels Shane’s eyes on him.

 

“You can come, if you like. I want to see you come undone as you fuck my hand.”

 

It’s like touching an electric fence. A shock shoots down his spine, making him jerk and twitch and he wants to cover his mouth but would rather die than let go of Shane. He shouts and it falters and breaks off into a cry as his legs tighten around Shane’s hips and he feels his own seed hit his stomach, feels Shane’s fingers smear it all over his cock as it’s pumping and Ryan forces himself to keep his head back, face on display for Shane and only Shane. It takes him a moment to realize Shane is talking to him. He hears praise, _good boy_ over and over and the sweetest compliments and warmth spreads through his entire body. His muscles are twitching and shaking as the terrible tension unloads at once and a flood of emotion hits him all at once. Relief, frustration, love, shock, comfort and a hint of pain and Ryan can’t take it anymore.

 

The dam breaks and he lets out a chocked sob and then he is crying.

 

It’s not a soft cry you have while buying your face in your hand. It’s loud and desperate and he is heaving and sobbing and he barely realizes Shane has rolled them on their sides and pulled him in his arms. He buries his face in Shane’s shoulder and is wrapped in comfort and a protective cover as he sobs. It’s relieving, washing out the rest of the tension, causing him to melt into Shane’s form who holds him tight. No feather light touches, no teases. Pressure and a firm grasp and Ryan knows he can’t fall apart like this. Not physically at least. The sobs become little hiccups and he feels kisses being pressed into his hair and his back is being stroked in slow, circulatory motions.

 

He hiccups once more and it becomes a shuddering breath and Ryan realizes that he can breathe nearly normally again. In and out. In and out. Assisted by the pressure of Shane’s hand against his back and Ryan feels so boneless all of a sudden. Shane cups his face and brings his head up to meet his eyes.

 

“Ryan, you in there?”

 

He nods, unable to speak. His throat still has a lump in there from the emotional build up but he blinks rapidly to clear his vision and Shane’s gaze is worried and searching.

 

“Too much?”

Ryan wants to speak but it comes out as a croak. He shakes his head instead, pushing forward so he can kiss Shane’s collar bone. He does it over and over, a vehement, repeated pressing of lips against skin as if nudging Shane. He can’t think of another way to express his feelings right now and he is wrapped up in long arms again and squeezed tight.

 

“Want me to hold you like this?”

 

He nods rapidly against Shane’s shoulder. Shane’s arms tighten and Ryan buries himself in them. Again, it’s like Shane holds him together so the swelling in Ryan’s chest doesn’t shatter him apart. He breathes out, realizes there was too much air in his lungs and lets the emotions wash over him again, now that Shane holds him in place and keeps him grounded.

 

Ryan doesn’t know how long it takes, but eventually he raises his head, breathing back to normal and looks at Shane, slowly focusing on him. Shane ducks his head so he can look into Ryan’s eyes.

 

“Are you back?”

“Yes.”

His voice is a mess. It’s barely more than a whisper but he wants Shane to know he’s okay. It seems to work. Shane smiles and kisses him, softly and Ryan holds onto him as he melts in Shane’s arms.

“Welcome back, Ryan. Was that okay?”

Ryan nods.

“It was good. Just… a lot.”

“Not too much?”

“No. I feel… really good. Just tired, and numb.”

Shane hums and kisses his forehead.

“Do you want me to run you a bath?”

“Yes, please.”

 

He expects he has to let Shane go, untangle himself and wait here. But Shane simply pulls him to the edge of the bed as he gets up, wraps the blanket they have been lying on around Ryan’s form and picks him up. Ryan is impressed that Shane can carry him bridal style, even if it’s just from the bedroom to the adjacent bathroom. Once there, Shane carefully places Ryan on the counter next to the sink and Ryan pulls the blanket tighter around him as he sits up. He feels like warmth is slowly leaving his body. Shane turns on the water of the bathtub, puts in the plug and alternates between adding soap and feeling the temperature. While the bath fills, he stands next to Ryan, letting the smaller man lean into him. He rubs Ryan’s back, cards his fingers through his hair and softly massages arms and shoulders as good as he can with them facing each other. He makes him drink at least two cups of water, insisting on it when Ryan tries to wave him off. Finally, Shane steps back to turn off the water. Ryan sits up as Shane pushes the blanket off of him. Ryan’s legs are feeling a bit less like yell-o now, so he lets Shane help him off the counter and into the bathtub. The water is warm, but not too hot and Ryan slowly sinks into the bubbles with a sigh.

 

Shane rolls up his sleeves and sits on the rim of the tub. He helps Ryan to settle into the water, gentle touches on his hip and legs – which actually does get his sleeves wet but Shane doesn’t seem to care – and pets his hair when Ryan leans back.

 

“Good?”

 

Ryan smiles up at him.

 

“Perfect.”

 

“You did really well. I was afraid of just walking out. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing, so I just gave you a couple of minutes. I figured you would get trapped in your mind a little bit.”

Ryan flushes slightly.

“Yeah. I did.”

“Did you panic?”

“No. It… was just the right time when you came back.”

A kiss is put on the top of his head.

“I’m glad.”

Shane helps to wash him. He rubs him down with soap and a soft washcloth, makes sure to continue to massage Ryan’s back and arms till they feel like putty and occasionally pauses to kiss him. Ryan almost falls asleep in the tub but Shane is there to drain the water, rinse him off and carefully dry him with a large towel.

 

“Bed?” He asks as he holds Ryan against his body because the shorter man is tired and exhausted and his muscles are very very soft. He only nods.

 

Shane throws a fresh blanket on the bed and makes sure none of them lie in the spot Ryan’s orgasm left. He would change the sheets tomorrow because if he did it now, Ryan would just simply drop on the bedroom floor and sleep there. Ryan settles in the sheets and lazily watches Shane shuck his shirt and pants before getting in bed with him. Ryan curls up against Shane as his boyfriend pulls the blanket over both of them and sighs as he settles into his arms. He could fall asleep right now, but he still wants to make a couple of things sure.

 

“You… touched me this time.”

 

“I did.”

 

“Was that really okay for you?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t planned on it, but I suddenly felt like it. Might not always do that. Some days I really don’t want to, but tonight it was okay. Did you like it?”

“I think you could gather that.” Ryan laughs. He gives him an answer anyway. “I really liked it. It was a surprise but that made it even better.”

“Well dang.” Shane says and gives him a cheeky grin. “Now the surprise is ruined. Should have saved it.”

Ryan laughs and kisses him. For a couple of seconds, they just brush their lips together and break apart to smile.

 

“Thank you, Shane.”

 

Shane hums and pulls him closer.

 

“I want to do a lot of good things for you. I’m glad it worked out tonight.”

 

Ryan feels light. The strain from earlier when his body had felt like a tightly wound coil has been replaced by softness and a tired, heavy feeling. The heavy lump in his throat is gone and he feels all warm and fuzzy underneath the exhaustion. He is pretty sure he could just float upwards if Shane wasn’t holding onto him.

 

“I love you.” He says, unable to describe how he feels in detail. He hopes it’s enough.

 

“I love you, too.” Shane says and his eyes are warm and promising and Ryan thinks Shane understands.

 

They fall asleep in each others arms and Ryan dreams of nothing and it’s welcoming and safe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I do my research but I don't have much first-hand experience. If I write anything that might be considered dangerous or wrong, please let me know!


	4. Hide and Don't Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan discloses a fantasy he had for a long time. Shane is willing to go along with it.
> 
> -
> 
> This chapter deals with Fear Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Demons and Choking. The scene isn't exactly violent and the non consensual elements aren't too extreme, but please still be advised. If you have troubles with reading scenes including content like that, better skip this one. Stay safe people. Love you <3

It comes up one night, after he and Shane watched the midnight screening of a new horror film. Ryan loves horror. Both of them share a passion for movies anyway and horror is one of their favorite genres. The fans of their show often express their confusion why Ryan would “do this to himself in his free time”, implying that his fear on locations was somehow the same as when he was safely sitting in a movie theater, Shane by his side watching something that is definitely fictional.

Shane laughs with him at the reactions, because in contrast to the belief, he gets freaked out by horror movies as well. Shane loves letting go of the realism in his head and escape into a world where you might get followed by a murderous spirit because you walked down the wrong road. Ryan can flinch at the sudden appearance of a monster and expect Shane’s soft but scared “ _Jesus Christ!_ ” next to him before he grabs his boyfriend’s hand.

 

Later that evening, they are lying in bed. Ryan is cuddled up against Shane with his boyfriend half sprawled on top of him. He’s going through his instagram where he posted a picture they took in front of the movie poster, gleeful smiles on both their faces.

 

“They really don’t get that you like horror movies, huh?” Shane mutters against Ryan’s t-shirt. Ryan laughs.

“I mean, I get why they react like this. Most people get it when I explain it, though.”

“Yeah.” Shane pushes up on his elbows. “I mean I’m not gonna lie, I used to think the same but that’s because… well, to me, none of this is real. But to you it is!”

He adds the last part quickly, clearly not wanting to fall into the old discussion again.

“And no matter what the truth is, you are actually scared something bad might happen on location, so of course it’s different than a fantasy.”

Ryan swallows all of a sudden. Shane’s words bring back a topic he hasn’t thought about in a while, one he has not even indulged in since they became a couple. His eyes widen when he realizes that he’s just lying there, flushed and silent. Shane frowns at him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah!” Ryan says too quickly. “It’s just- I was just-...whatever. Forget it.”

He settles back in the pillows, hoping Shane will drop it and continue their cuddle session.

Shane, of course, does not drop it.

“Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?”

Ryan swallows. He’s ashamed, feels the heat in his face intensify. Deep down he knows that Shane wouldn’t judge him, wouldn’t call him sick or messed up, but his anxiety flares up and the idea of Shane being disgusted, of Shane walking out, of Shane breaking up with him suddenly overtakes and he’s trying to breathe, he really is trying but no air will get into his lungs-

 

“Ryan, hey. I’m here. Look at me!”

Ryan sucks in a sharp breath and meets Shane’s eyes. His boyfriend sits up and pulls Ryan in his arms, cradling him carefully and taking his hand.

“Breathe with me, okay? Breathe in for four seconds...”

Shane starts to breathe in and Ryan follows, still shaking.

“One, two, three, four-” Shane gasps while breathing in. “Hold for seven!”

Ryan holds his breath, his lungs feel like they are screaming in protest but he fights through it. He dimly hears Shane count to seven.

“Breathe out for eight: One, two-”

Ryan carefully breathes out with a whoosh of air. They repeat the cycle a few times till he has calmed down. Shame still heats his face and he turns and buries his face in Shane’s chest.

 

“I’m sorry...”

Shane’s hand comes up to card through his hair.

“Hey, shh, none of that. I’m here, you’re here, it’s okay. I’m sorry I asked.”

Ryan shakes his head.

“That wasn’t it. Wasn’t your fault. I just- I got carried away and thought-”

Shane doesn’t ask. He just holds him, kisses his forehead, strokes his hair.

Ryan feels himself tear up a little. Shane is so understanding, so kind, how could he let his mind mess with him like that?

 

“Shane?” He whispers.

“Yes, baby?”

“S-Sir…?” His voice is barely audible. Shane pauses for a moment, the hand on the back of Ryan’s head flexes.

“What is it, my darling boy?”

Ryan bites his bottom lip. Then he takes a deep breath.

“Sometimes, when I was alone, I would imagine something followed me home from a location. Or a creature from a movie would stalk me. I would imagine it waiting in my home, waiting for me to fall asleep so it can corrupt my dreams. I would think about it attacking me, holding me down, forcing thoughts in my head. S-sometimes I would… touch myself when I did that.”

Shane’s hand is still gently scratching his scalp. A kiss is pressed to his temple.

“Did you like it?”

Ryan nods, still not able to look at Shane.

“I really liked it. I would pretend not to, would imagine I was fighting back. I would think of a demon’s voice mocking me, manipulating my body and _making me_ _like it_ and then it would call me names and show me how much I liked it even though I hated it. I would pretend that me touching myself would be the monster just… taking what it wanted. Using me. Taint me with its touches and corrupt my soul. I would imagine that it could _take_ my soul when I came, so I edged myself...”

He buries his face in his hands and god, he’s so ashamed. He doesn’t even know why he told Shane all of this in such vivid detail. He trusts his boyfriend, trusts his Dom, but this is messed up…

His hands are softly pulled from his face and Shane tilts up his face with two fingers under his chin.

 

“Thanks for telling me. You’re so good at this.”

Ryan shivers, searching Shane’s face for any sign of rejection or disgust.

“You don’t think I’m sick for thinking it?”

Shane smiles.

“It’s a fantasy. It doesn’t hurt anybody, your thoughts don’t bring anyone harm or make you feel bad, right?”

“That’s… true. If I know I’m not really in danger… I enjoy fear. A bit too much.”

Shane smiles and kisses him.

“Doesn’t seem like too much to me, you have a right amount in mind, which is good. You know what you can take and what you can’t.”

 

Ryan knows that part of Shane wants to mention that there usually is no real threat involved because ghosts and demons weren’t real. He is very grateful that he’s not saying it.

 

“So… this entity would scare you. Haunt you and chase you down?”

“Y-yes.”

God, Ryan still feels embarrassed. It’s not better when Shane says it.

“Would they seduce you or take you against your will? Would they harm you?”

“I don’t know… Either sounds scary. Either sounds… good? Does that make sense?”

Shane seems thoughtful. He plays with Ryan’s hair, soft after his evening shower and without any gel in it.

“You know I don’t feel comfortable hurting you.”

Ryan nods.

“I don’t want you to if you don’t want to.”

Shane tilts his head thoughtfully.

“I think I could scare you, if you like. I could hold you down, pretend that something forces itself on you… Do you want that?”

Ryan worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Shane… you- you don’t have to do this.”

“I know.”

Shane sits up a little to look Ryan in the eyes.

“But I _want_ to do some of these things for you, if _you_ want them. I’m not going to hurt you. But holding you down, I can do that. I can scare you. And we can adjust our safewords. If you want me to, I can ignore “no” and “stop”..." He catches the look on Ryan's face. "That excites you.” It's not a question.

Ryan swallows hard. He wiggles a little in Shane’s arms so he can move and sit face-to-face across from his boyfriend.

“You… you really wouldn’t mind?”

“Hm. I am saying I can see myself doing it if you want it. Not… too much, but some of it, yes.”

Ryan wipes his eyes. His heart is full and confused. He feels like he shouldn’t ask for this, shouldn’t feel happy about Shane offering to play with him that way.

“I… I would like that. God, I-” He groans and rubs his forehead, looking away. “I feel really … ashamed. I feel so messed up.”

“Hey, no. Ryan. None of that.”

Shane moves and takes his hands. Ryan looks at him.

“It’s a _fantasy_. You’re not wishing harm towards anyone, you don’t want this for _real_. You want the situation to be safe and sane and consensual, the way this is supposed to work. You’re asking for a game of pretend and that’s not a bad thing. I’d much rather you experience it with me and be happy than feel terrible about just thinking of it. Okay?”

“Okay...”

Ryan feels himself smile a little. He dares to hope. Maybe, eventually, he wouldn’t feel sick for wanting something like this.

“Thank you, Shane.”

“Hey. You can always talk to me about all of this, okay?”

“Okay.”

Shane tugs him closer and Ryan slips his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders. Shane wraps his arms around Ryan’s middle and they settle back in bed. Ryan tilts his head up to kiss Shane and their lips fit together perfectly in a familiar, promising warmth.

They fall asleep like this, holding each other.

 

-

 

It doesn’t come up for another couple of days. Both of them are busy with work. They come home carrying take-out and crash in the living room to watch something sweet and wholesome while they wolf down whatever the styrofoam containers of wonder are carrying. Ryan’s too tired in the evening to initiate or ask for anything. He much rather snuggles up to Shane, brushes his fingers through soft brown hair and enjoys the light kisses they share.

 

Two weeks after their initial talk, on a Friday morning, Shane stops Ryan before they leave their flat.

“I was wondering. The… new play we talked about. The scene you might want to do…”

Ryan’s eyes widen. He almost drops his messenger back as his breath sets out for a second or two.

“Yeah?”

“If you want, we can do that tonight.”

Excitement prickles in Ryan’s spine. His mind is jumping right on the train of imagination, giving him a best of reel of his secret little thoughts, not so secret anymore with Shane knowing.

“Oh-”

“But we don’t have to, if you’re not sure.”

Shane smiles at him. He clearly isn’t embarrassed at all and Ryan huffs a bit. _That’s not fair_. But he can’t really be mad about it. Shane is expecting an answer and Ryan knows, whatever he says, Shane will go along with it. He could tell Shane to forget about the fantasy altogether and bury the thoughts far down in his memories so he can never address them again.

 

It doesn’t feel right. Shane said it himself, it’s not hurting anybody. Not Shane, not Ryan and there was nobody else involved. The thought of playing all of it out in a scene _is_ exciting, he can’t lie about that. For a moment, he allows his imagination to supply him with all the thoughts he has kept to himself until recently. He thinks of coming home and not finding the flat relaxing and welcoming, but dark and filled with a malevolent force. He imagines Shane having full control about how scared Ryan gets, thinks about something pinning him down, much stronger than a mere mortal and he swallows hard.

 

“I… would like that.” He swallows, looking at Shane. “Not gonna lie, I’m nervous. But… I want to.”

Shane’s face splits into a smile.

“Really? You sure?”

“I’m sure!”

“Good.”

He leans in to kiss Ryan and then looks at him, eyes full of adoration.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Ryan breathes in, chest swelling at the praise. He opens his mouth to crack a joke but Shane leans in, lips grazing his ear.

 

“I’m going to scare the shit out of you tonight.”

Ryan’s breath hitches.

“Please.”

 

-

 

Work is distracting, which is good. Ryan can’t afford running around the office half-hard all day. Shane is like he always is at work, sticking to their rule of keeping their games to their home and Ryan is so grateful. They joke like they usually do, edit videos and adjust scripts and before Ryan can even think about tonight, Shane packs up his things, gives him a kiss on the cheek and says:

“See you later, babe.”

Ryan smiles and nods. He still has some stuff to finish up, so he hunkers down to get it done. By then, he has almost, almost forgotten about their plans for tonight.

 

-

 

When Ryan opens the door to their apartment, he’s surprised to find it empty and dark.

“Shane?”

He flicks the light switch and does a double take when nothing happens. He flicks it again and then a couple times for good measure, but the place stays completely dark. A cold shiver runs down his back as he grabs his phone and turns on the flash light.

“Shane? Are you here?”

His voice is quivering a bit and the excitement is so different from when they are on haunted locations. All their conversations about the scene come back to him and suddenly, he is afraid. The cold shiver intensifies while he moves the light around, taking in the familiar place in the too bright, white light.

 

He feels his face heat up, embarrassed about how much he is into this already.

 

As he braves forward into their home, he hesitates. Originally he wants to move to the living room, but he notices a soft bit of light coming from the kitchenette.

“Shane is that you?”

 

He sneaks closer, instinctively avoiding the floorboards that creak, before he carefully peeks into the kitchen. Something rests on the breakfast bar, surrounded by candles. They’re not real ones, just small electric tea candles and when Ryan comes closer, he realizes that the object they surround is the Ouja board he purchased for Unsolved. His throat goes dry and he sees that the hand holding his phone is shaking.

 

“Shane… Are you okay?”

 

As he moves in, he steps on something and jumps back in surprise. He looks down. It’s the planchette. It is lying on the floor as if something has flung it off the board on the bar and caused it to skitter through the room. He grips his phone harder, breath speeding up.

Even though Ryan _knows_ that Shane set it up that way and that the board is a game by Parker Brothers, he’s scared. Under normal circumstances, the display in their kitchen would be ridiculous, even to him, but the mere thought of something being loose in the apartment throwing shit around causes him to seize up.

 

He nearly drops his phone when the sudden chime of his text alert tears through the silence around him. Shane has texted him.

 

**Shane** : Hey. Are you home yet? I don’t know how to describe it but I feel like there is something wrong with our apartment. As if something’s there.

 

_Oh. Shane was a real son of a bitch_ , Ryan thought as dread spread through him. His vivid imagination instantly supplied a couple of scenarios if this was a horror movie:

 

_Shane working late and not knowing that a malevolent spirit was torturing his boyfriend at home._

 

_Shane trying to open the front door which just wouldn’t budge while he would hear Ryan scream in fear and agony behind it. Shane calling out for him over and over until Ryan’s voice suddenly stops._

 

_Shane reaching the apartment much later, finding it dark and empty as if Ryan had never been there._

 

Ryan closes his eyes and allows the fear to wash over him completely. Whatever was in here, he was completely at it’s mercy and he doesn’t have to push a palm against his jeans to know he is already half hard. This is fucked up. This should make him want to leave the place as quickly as possible and find Shane. Instead he is standing here, next to the Ouja board that probably opened a portal to hell, inviting a bunch of demons to feast on his soul. And he’s getting hard.

 

_Slut_ , he thinks and his face heats up. His heartbeat seems to disagree with the shame as it picks up in speed and Ryan feels how excited he is.

 

His phone chimes again and he clutches it close, looking at the message Shane sent.

 

**Shane** : Color?

 

Ryan’s laugh is almost a wheeze. Affection blooms in his chest, warming the space his fear has left ice cold for just a moment. Shane was wonderful and adorable and way too worried he could ever harm Ryan.

 

**Me** : Green.

 

He clears his throat and looks up. Glances around hopefully, to  maybe  spot a glance of Shane. But everything stays dark and his own home looks abandoned in the white glare of his flashlight.

 

Then he hears it. A low, hollow scrape as if something is pulling a chair across old, wooden floorboards. He is instantly sent back to Ohio State Penitentiary, standing in the room with the single chair in the center and the warning of the guide echoes through his brain, that no matter how often the chair is moved, it’s always somehow dragged back into the center.

He turns slowly, shakily towards the sound.

 

“Who’s there?!”

 

Ryan does try to sound brave, but he doesn’t. He sounds like he’s on the verge of panic.

There is no response. After a moment of silence, there is a slam coming from their bedroom, as if something has been knocked over.

 

“Fuck. Oh God. Oh God this is bad...”

 

He hates that he knows what he has to do, maneuvering through the dark slowly and carefully, his phone held out in front of him like a protective charm. If this was a horror film and Ryan was the protagonist, any watcher would probably yell at him to get out of there instead of following the noise. He knows he’s doing the _wrong_ thing and, God, it’s excting. The bedroom door is ajar and Ryan pushes against it, letting it swing open. He tries the light switch, knowing it won’t work and then slowly takes in the surroundings.

The chair they usually drape their clothes over before someone has the energy to throw everything in the laundry hamper is dragged close to their bed and knocked over. Ryan is shaking as he steps closer.

 

“Is anybody here?”

Silence. And yet, he can imagine a presence watching him with unkindness.

 

“Who’s in this room?”

 

He  whirls around, dragging the light over the walls, the dresser, their closet. He stares at the closet door for a moment, heart thrumming before he focuses his attention on the chair. Carefully, he gets closer and bends down to pick it up.  The second he places the chair back in its usual position, the bedroom door slams shut.

 

Ryan screams, loud and panicky and whips around to check, but of course, nobody is there.

 

“Shit. No. Nononono. I’m sorry. Whatever you are, please don’t hurt me.”

 

A noise reverberates in the room, almost inaudible at first but getting louder by the second. It’s a growl. Distorted and strange and like nothing a human or animal should produce. Ryan’s mind is too panicky to think about how Shane does it, _an audio file, maybe?_ but he is sure he will be appreciative of all the work that goes into this later.

Right now, the growl makes him jump about a foot in the air and another scream is torn from his throat. His breath becomes short and ragged and he whips around, pointing his light at the curtains, their dresser, the closet again, but there is no shape and no movement. The growl turns into a low chuckle and Ryan squeezes his eyes shut.

He bolts. He does whatever he would have done being scared as a little kid and that is jump right into the middle of the bed. Ryan’s hands scrabble for the blanket and he throws it over his head, curling up in the makeshift cover as his trembling hands switch off the light on his phone.

 

Silence. Nothing but his short panicky breaths.  Ryan curls in on himself and screws his eyes shut, not being able to shake the feeling of a  _presence_ in the room. He presses a hand to his mouth and holds his breath, straining to hear anything.

 

Footsteps. Slow, very careful footsteps are coming closer to the bed. He imagines he can hear fabric rustling, something sliding over the sheets on the mattress, closing in on him. He feels his eyes widen and he has to pull his hand away to gasp, afraid he will pass out otherwise.

Suddenly, something plunges in his useless little cover and long, thin digits close around his ankle. Ryan screams, instantly muffling himself with his hand again as he is being yanked downwards. The covers are torn off, flying somewhere into the darkness and he is exposed on his back as he is dragged across it. All the strange little fears about something waiting under his bed for a dangling arm or leg come back and he seizes up in fear.

_Of course_ .  He hadn’t even checked under the bed, had just hidden and t he thing had waited  out of sight till he was helpless and hiding, making himself as small as he could and now he is trapped in their bed. Shane  is oblivious and far away and Ryan feels like he is somewhere out in the ocean in a tiny lifeboat that just started to take water.

He yelps as his shoe is pulled off of his foot and tries to wrench himself free. To his surprise, it actually works but then hands grab onto his other ankle and removes that shoe, too. Ryan decides to make a dash for it and rolls on his stomach, grabs onto the edge of the bed to give himself some leverage and-

 

Strong hands grab his hips and pin him down. His erection that he momentarily forgot about grinds into the mattress and he lets out a gasping moan and drops his head. Pressure is applied to the back of his legs as someone kneels on them and he whimpers as he is being pinned down. He is torn between absolute panic and arousal and realizes he can’t slip into one without forgoing the other, so he keeps on the edge between them. Broad palms slip under his shirt and up his back and even though Ryan knows Shane’s hands, has felt them on his skin so often, he can easily trick his mind into believing the touch is foreign and that the soft drag of nails on his skin really are the claws of some kind of demon who has him at his mercy.

Ryan looks over his shoulder. In the dark he barely sees the outline of a looming shape that has him pinned to the bed and is touching him. He whimpers as he tries to wiggle free and realizes he can’t move at all. His upper body twists, the hands slip around his upper body and graze his chest and he bares his neck in pure submission, like a cornered animal. He closes his eyes and feels how hard he is trembling.

 

“Please-” He manages in a shaky voice. “Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything. Anything you want.”

 

The pressure from his legs vanishes, but before he can move, a hand grabs his hip and flips him over on his back and Ryan realizes how helpless he must look, stretched out with his hands pulled up defensively and his neck bared.

A hand closes around his throat, not squeezing, just holding it and Ryan’s hands come up to wrap around the wrist. He keeps his fingers still, making sure not to move them so Shane knows he’s not safetapping out. However, he keens and pulls his head back more which presses his Adam’s apple into the palm of the hand and puts just the tiniest amount of pressure on it. Ryan whimpers as he feels the fingers flex and apply a bit of pressure, causing his heartbeat to pick up.

 

“You like this, huh?”

 

The voice is low and growling and there is a dangerous lilt to it that gives Ryan the best shivers. He still shakes his head, whimpering. Shane flexes his fingers and laughs slightly when Ryan’s grip tightens around his arm so he doesn’t pull back.

 

“Are you sure? _This_ tells a different story.”

With that, a knee presses into Ryan’s crotch and he flinches, doing his best not to grind down right away.

“Please.” He croaks. “Please, don’t hurt me…”

Another deep chuckle. Teeth nip at his ear and the hand around his neck tightens for a couple of seconds. Ryan revels in the pressure as his breath stutters.

“Hurt you? No, that’s boring. I have other plans for you, little ghost hunter.”

 

A tongue touches against his jaw and slowly drags up a line to his temple and Ryan is glad he doesn’t have much air in his lungs right now, because otherwise he would have made a really embarrassing noise. The fingers let up and he can breathe again, his chest heaving. Teeth touch his ear again and he can feel breath on it as another sentence is whispered in his ear.

 

“I’m going to _ruin_ you, pretty little boy.”

 

Ryan doesn’t get to answer because his airflow is cut off again and in the lightheadedness of it, he feels the knee grind against him again. He whimpers and screws his eyes shut but he can’t hold back. He grinds down, searching just a bit of friction against his hardness and is rewarded with another chuckle.

“I wonder what your precious little Boogaras would say if they saw you now. Trapped in your own home with me, attacked at night and all you want to do is hump till you cum. Maybe someone should film you, put it on Youtube for everyone to see...”

The pressure on his neck lets up and Ryan sucks in a breath. It’s too dark to tell if black spots are dancing in front of his eyes, but there is a wonderful dizzy feeling and he can’t help but lean his head back, baring more of his throat.

 

The figure above him shifts his weight and a mouth latches on his neck, right under his Adam’s apple. His skin is sucked in between sharp teeth and nibbled on and he swallows hard, just in time before the mouth is replaced with a hand and he is being choked again. His mouth drops open and he can’t stop his hips who keep grinding against the knee between them. Ryan pulls his own legs up, wrapping them around the middle of his attacker as he helplessly rocks on the bed he shares with Shane.

Ryan pushes the reminder of _This is a game_ out of his head and lets the situation crash over him. Shane, out and about, maybe shopping or running other errands while worrying about Ryan might come home alone after _something_ got loose in their apartment. Instead of running and calling his boyfriend, Ryan is in their bedroom, being pinned down by the entity haunting their home and instead of being terrified or fighting, he lets this monster choke and violate him. And he _likes it_. He rocks against the creatures leg, desperate to get off while the seemingly unrelenting pressure to his throat makes his head swim. Teeth are on the his neck now and then a tongue roams over his cheek as the being tastes his face and while he is terrified, he is so aroused. Ryan’s legs spread even more and pull up so far that his knees almost touch the mattress underneath him and he allows the body above him to manhandle him, apply more pressure to his groin and his hands around the arm choking him loosen and drop next to his face.

 

For a moment, the pressure lets up and he sucks in another breath, allowing himself a little cough.

“What’s up, ghost-boy. Giving up?”

Ryan wets his lips and closes his eyes.

 

“Do whatever you want to me,” he hears himself speak. “Take me. All of me. I don’t care anymore.”

 

A kiss is placed on his lips. His bottom lip is worked between teeth and he whimpers as he feels the breath of a soft laugh against his mouth.

“Nice to see a ghost-hunter realize he’s nothing more than a little whore when it comes to fear.”

The voice is so dark, Ryan really could believe it’s not Shane above him and he feels fear grasp his heart and freeze his body in place. His legs are still wrapped around the person above him and he knows it’s Shane, Shane is the only one who can do this to him. But the idea that a demon would get into his house, break him just like this and degrade him into a simple sex object thrills him and he is so ashamed, it hurts. He is shivering but too afraid to move. If he doesn’t obey, he might not be allowed to cum and he is so painfully hard, he believes he might die if he has to be like this for much longer. He swallows. The hands vanish from his throat and Ryan feels strange for wishing them back.

 

“I’m anything you tell me to be. Please. Demon- _Master_. Take me. Please...”

 

He is rewarded with a kiss, suddenly much softer than all the actions of the night before. The knee presses back into his groin and Ryan keens, rutting against it without restrains and he feels the encouragements whispered against his lips, the words that encourage him to make himself orgasm and hands grab his neck once more, squeezing and Ryan falls over the edge. He dimly realizes his mouth opens as he spills in his pants and he is whispering Shane’s name over and over, without air to make actual noises but he has to try.

 

He’s not sure if he passed out. He probably didn’t. All he remembers is feeling warm and soft and boneless. There is a dim sensation of someone undressing him, cleaning him. Touches against his cheek, the softest kisses on his neck. He blinks, over and over until he finally focuses on Shane’s face. There is a light illuminating them and Ryan turns his head to see a round, softly glowing object sitting on the bed next to them. It’s a lamp, an orb styled to look like the moon and the light is so soft it doesn’t sting in his eyes and just makes him think of calmness. Shane strokes his hair and Ryan sighs, relaxing into the touch.

 

“You’re here.” His voice is still very low and a bit scratchy, but he is back and that’s what counts.

“I am.” Shane looks down at him with such love and admiration, Ryan flushes.

“Was… was I good?”

Shane cups his face in his hands.

“You were so good. Ryan, you were amazing. The things you said and did? The way you went along and pushed against me, allowing yourself to be like this even though you were scared – or, because you were scared? That was incredible.”

He is kissed softly and he feels his chest surge with emotion. Shane pulls back a little.

“I can get you your pajamas, would you like that?”

Ryan nods.

 

-

 

They cuddle in bed together. Shane is trailing his lips over Ryan’s neck. Not teasing, just a careful brush of skin and Ryan is sure that Shane’s hands left bruises. He likes the idea, having the imprint of Shane’s hand on his neck, showing the world that he has been claimed and that he found someone who is ready to do the things Ryan likes and wants, who is ready to bruise him where he needs it and take the load of decisions off of his shoulders.

Ryan pulls Shane’s face up and kisses him.

 

“Thank you.”

“Ryan. You are the one I should thank. I’m not gonna lie, I was really nervous and worried that I was doing this wrong… I can only read about those things so much. But you did so well and you showed me so much dedication. You’re wonderful.”

Ryan flushes and buries his face in Shane’s chest.

Arms come up to wrap around his form, pressing him even closer and Ryan is so happy to melt into Shane’s form.

“Did you know I was counting the seconds while choking you?”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Shane’s breath tickles in his hair.

“I couldn’t see you, so I always gave you three to five seconds and alternated. How was it?”

Ryan flushes.

“It… was great. I think, most of it came from me _thinking_ I couldn’t breathe. I think I didn’t even try when you grabbed me...”

Shane hums and brushes his fingers through Ryan’s hair.

“We need to practice more if we want to do this again. This shit’s dangerous.”

Ryan nods.

“It’s okay.” He whispers. “You did really well and you didn’t hurt me at all. It felt so good...”

Shane shifts so he can look at Ryan. He smiles slightly.

“That’s good. Still...”

“I know.”

Ryan leans in to kiss him.

“We can do more research together, okay? I don’t… need this. When you don’t feel a hundred percent comfortable I don’t want to force you to do it.”

Shane smiles.

“I know. Thank you.”

Ryan shuffles closer and leans his forehead against Shane’s. Shane sighs softly and hugs him a little tighter. When Ryan starts rubbing Shane’s back in slow circles, he hears his boyfriend let out a long breath and feels him relax even more.

 

While the idea of real demons and malevolent spirits scares the fuck out of him, tonight has been wonderful. He can’t remember the last time he has cum in his pants like that and with Shane it had been so easy to give up, to hand himself over to whatever was taking claim on his body.

He really hopes Shane will find his comfort with it and do it again some time, wrap his large hands around his neck and press a necklace of dark bruises to his body, showing the world who Shane is to Ryan.

Often after their scenes, Ryan falls asleep in Shane’s arms and to hands carefully rubbing his back while Shane is whispering declarations of love in his ear.

Tonight, their roles are reversed and Ryan feels adoration wash over him as his Dom curls up in his arms and lets Ryan pet and kiss him softly. When Shane’s breathing evens out, he fully relaxes in his pillow and smiles before tapping the little orb of moonlight and leaving their room in comfortable darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I do my research but I don't have much first-hand experience. If I write anything that might be considered dangerous or wrong, please let me know! 
> 
> (This is not a How-To, if you're interested in Dom/sub relationships and BDSM, please research actual guides!)


	5. Touch and Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Shane step closer to new possibilities in their sex-life.
> 
> -
> 
> This chapter deals with anal fingering, masturbation and (light) exhibitionism. And the "usual" praise and aftercare.

“Do you like penetration?” Shane asks without warning one evening as they are hanging out in the living room.

Ryan chokes on his own spit and starts coughing. He has to cup his hand over his mouth to not spray his laptop screen with spit.

“E-hex-cuse me?” He finally manages when the cough lets up.

“In bed.” Shane is talking as if the topic was painfully obvious. “When you have sex, do you like being penetrated? Or is the whole butt-stuff thing just a joke that got out of hand?”

Ryan flushes.

“Jesus Christ, Shane. Warn a guy next time.”

Shane simply shrugs, a smug smile on his face. Ryan takes a deep breath.

“Yes. I do like it.”

“Did you do it before?”

“Uh, yes, I have… I had sex with men, I bottomed.” Ryan scratches his nose in thought. “I once had a girlfriend that liked to peg me, but we only did it once because I was super new to it. And I sometimes put a toy in myself.”

“Is that something you want to try?”

Ryan looks over at Shane, eyes narrowing.

“In what way?”

Shane shrugs.

“With dildos or vibrators, for example. I could put something in you or tell you to put it in yourself. I could tie you up and make you force yourself down on a big prostate milker till you’re crying...”

Ryan’s breath hitches and he starts to fan himself.

“Shane… you’re way too blunt with this.”

Shane simply grins.

“I knew that would wind you up.”

“Bastard.”

 

They both break into giggles. Shane gets up and walks over to Ryan. He places a hand at the nape of Ryan’s neck and Ryan’s eyelids start to flutter. The gentle pressure moves him, rocks him from side to side as Shane takes control.

“We could go shopping, you and me. Buy you a nice toy and some silk rope, if you would like.”

Ryan keens as the fingers in the back of his neck dig in. It’s half massage, half grip and it feels wonderful.

“I’d like that...”

Shane hums and rubs his thumb over Ryan’s jugular, careful and feather light.

I could ask the people there which way I can pleasure you the best. I want to find the perfect piece for you to get fucked open with.”

Ryan gasps and moans.

“Want to buy you something that makes your mouth water. Something that you think of even at work, something you can’t wait to have shoved into you, fucking you, thrusting hard.”

That wasn’t fair. Ryan whines because he’s getting hard, because Shane’s promises are so dirty but so good. Shane’s fingers drag down Ryan’s back.

“Are you going to jerk off just from the idea?”

“Sh-shut up, Shane.”

“Are you sure?”

There is a shift in his voice and Ryan shudders. He feels himself tense and relax at the same time. He drops his head, exposing more vulnerable neck and bends forward just a tiny little bit.

“No, Sir. I’m sorry.”

Shane hums and places a hand on Ryan’s lower back. He pushes, barely, but Ryan follows, dropping on his knees on the living room carpet.

A hand runs through his hair and Ryan closes his eyes with a sigh. It feels wonderful, fingertips rubbing at his scalp and scratching a little, like he’s a cat being petted. Shane’s fingers stretch over his head like a cap and move his head a little, causing Ryan to sway again, following the tiny pushes like a marionette on strings. He can almost imagine Shane leading him like this, pushing his mouth or ass on a toy they picked together and he flushes. His mouth opens slightly and he lets out a whine, going as limp as he can, trying to please Shane.

The hand slides off of his head onto one shoulder blade, kneading a bit at the muscle there.

“That feel good?”

Shane’s voice is soft and Ryan nods, already feeling dazed.

“Very good, Sir.”

“You look like you could loosen up a little more, my pretty boy.”

Ryan flushes and finally opens his eyes. He looks up and Shane straightens and cups Ryan’s chin, tilting it up.

“Since we’re about to find a nice big toy for you, would you like to finger yourself tonight?”

Ryan groans. He opens his mouth and moves his face towards Shane’s hand and Shane allows it. His thumb dips into Ryan’s mouth and Ryan sucks on it for a moment, whining as it pressed down onto his tongue.

“I take that as a ‘yes’,” Shane growls. “Wait here.”

He pulls away and the thumb slides out of Ryan’s mouth with a pop. It’s tense, kneeling on the floor, hard dick pressing against his pants while Shane is walking to the bedroom. But Ryan wants to be good, wants Shane to return and see him in the position he left him in.

 

Shane doesn’t take long to return and indeed, he smiles at Ryan as he sees him waiting.

“Good boy. You’re so patient lately. I am very proud.”

He runs a hand through Ryan’s hair and Ryan keens and pushes into it, smile widening at the praise.

“Get up. Carefully, don’t strain yourself.”

Ryan slowly stands up. His legs provide just a hint of pins and needles from being in the same position for a while, but he relishes it. Shane reaches for the bottom of Ryan’s shirt and Ryan lifts his arms obediently as it’s slid upwards. His breath hitches as Shane undoes his pants as well and slowly slides them down while going into a crouch in front of Ryan. It’s relatively innocent, despite the hard on that is visible in Ryan’s boxers, but the sight of Shane down in front of him like this still makes his skin tingle. Shane seems to notice the reaction because he looks up and smirks.

Ryan flushes with embarrassment, but Shane quickly puts his mind at ease by planting a soft kiss to his outer thigh.

“It’s okay to look at me, Ryan. You don’t have to hide if you want me.”

Ryan whimpers. His pants pool around his ankles and he steps out of them, allowing Shane to push off his socks as well.

Shane stands back up, takes Ryan’s face in his hands and kisses him. It’s soft and sweet and Ryan realizes how much Shane wants him to relax. He melts in Shane’s embrace as he kisses back, nibbling on his Dom’s bottom lip carefully. Shane rubs his hands over Ryan’s arms and shoulders and then wraps his arms around his back. Ryan’s hands come up to rest on Shane’s chest as they are kissing and he pushes up just a bit on his tip toes to get closer.

Shane pulls away, laughing as Ryan’s lips chase after him.

“Feel okay?”

Ryan smiles.

“Yeah. I want-”

He interrupts himself, gulping and looking away. Shane’s fingers touch his chin and bring him back to lock their eyes with just a bit of touch.

“Tell me, Ryan. Tell me what you want.” Ryan swallows.

“I want to show you what I can take. Want to open myself up so you can fill me with anything you like. Want to make myself come just from my ass to show you how much I like you watching me.”

Shane takes just a second to stare at him, mouth slightly open and pupils big and dark. Ryan realizes that Shane is, in fact, aroused. Probably not in a way where he would want any fucking done himself, but what Ryan is doing is attractive to Shane. He is affected by them “playing” together.

_Shane wants this as much as I do_ , he thinks with wonder. So far, a small part of him has always worried that he is taking too much, even though Shane continuously puts these worries to rest.

Maybe “aroused” wasn’t the right word. Maybe Shane was engrossed. Affected by both his feelings for Ryan and what he was capable of doing  _for_ Ryan. Ryan wants to tell him, wants to talk hours about how good it feels and how grateful he is for Shane doing this, how wonderful Shane makes him feel praising him, controlling him. He can’t find the words, but somehow he feels he doesn’t have to.

Shane kisses him. His tongue invades Ryan’s mouth and Ryan moans, clinging onto him. Shane places two hands under Ryan’s ass and pulls and Ryan gets the message and jumps. His legs wrap around Shane’s middle and his erection is pressed against Shane’s belly, making him groan into Shane’s mouth as he is pressed closer. Shane moves with him and Ryan clings to his very  _very_ tall boyfriend, trying to kiss him some more without falling.

It doesn’t take long. Shane lies Ryan down on the sofa and leans down with him to keep up the kissing. Ryan’s wrists get caught in Shane’s hands and held in place and he whines and pushes against the hold just a little bit to feel the strength holding him in place. It’s wonderful.

 

Way too soon, Shane pulls back, looking down at him with so much raw affection and pride that Ryan forgets how to breathe.

“Beautiful.” Shane’s voice is a little rough. “If you knew how beautiful, how perfect you are.”

He lets go of Ryan’s wrists and strokes his cheek gently.

“If you knew how much I love seeing you like this. Ready to do anything, everything I demand. Being so eager...”

He kisses Ryan’s forehead.

“...so obedient.”

Ryan’s back bends a little as he tries to push up, get closer to Shane.

“I can’t imagine what others might feel, but this is the sexiest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Ryan smiles up at him, feeling soft and in love despite the throbbing erection he has to deal with. He dares to speak, just this once, feeling like it’s alright.

“I’m so happy you’re doing this for me. _With_ me.  I… used to think this was work for you. Something you did just for me.”

Shane chuckles.

“It _is_ something I’m doing just for you. But it’s not _work_. If you feel good, it makes me proud. It makes me happy. It makes me feel like I showed you what you mean to me.”

Ryan smiles as Shane leans in to kiss him again. When they part, Shane’s face changes, settling into the calm and collected expression he wears when they’re playing. Ryan shudders and places his free hands above his head, taking on a submissive pose.

“So.” Shane’s voice has changed as well. “If I remember correctly, we decided that you would fuck yourself on your fingers till you cum. Correct?”

Ryan nods desperately.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Lose the boxers, then. They would only get in the way.”

Ryan quickly shucks off his underwear and pushes them off the couch. He sees Shane pull a bottle of lube out of his pocket, holding in in his hand, thoughtfully.

“It’s warmed up nicely. Wouldn’t want my precious boy to feel uncomfortable.”

Ryan smiles as Shane holds it out to him and takes the bottle from him. He pops open the cap, pours a good amount on his fingers and starts slicking them, smearing the lubricant over his fingers and palm. From time to time, he looks over at Shane if he is allowed to continue, but Shane merely watches him. The bottle is taken from his hands and closed again and Shane places it on the couch table.

Ryan looks up, expectantly.

“May I begin, Sir?”

He gets a smile and a kiss.

“Go ahead. I want to see my precious boy work himself open.”

Ryan swallows. He moves around on the couch till he is in a comfortable half-sitting position. Shane settles on the arm opposite from Ryan and looks at him as if he’s watching a particularly engrossing movie. It’s exposing and filthy and exciting and Ryan braces himself with his free hand and trails his fingers down slowly towards his hole.

He has to shuffle a little to part his asscheeks more but then his slick middle finger touches his entrance and he groans. He’s already way too excited. Shane watching him and talking to him so raw and openly has set him on edge and made him feel exposed. It’s a familiar and amazing feeling and he can’t wait to show Shane how good he can be.

Shane leans into his seat and watches as Ryan rubs tiny circles on his hole, smearing the lube on it and massaging the muscle to relax it. He wants to close his eyes, as he usually does, but instead he keeps his eyes on Shane, looks at his interested expression and wants to make it good, wants to make it interesting. His finger dips into his hole and he hisses, allowing the little bit of discomfort to pass before he pushes deeper. It’s been some time and he stretches slowly, hole clenching around his finger and Ryan grits his teeth and groans.

“Does it hurt?”

Shane looks still calm, but a hint of worry sits on his brow.

“No.” Ryan breathes. “It’s a bit strange at the beginning.”

He rolls his hips a little bit and the finger slips in deeper. Slowly, he starts pushing it in and pulling it out, finger fucking himself carefully.

“What does it feel like?”

Ryan almost giggles. The question is so strange to him, especially because he isn’t sure how to describe it. But Shane is his Dom and he takes control right now, so he tries his best to answer.

“It’s… hard to describe. It pushes in, which is so different than when you… well.” He shoves the finger in as far as it goes and crooks it a bit. “It’s filling and pushes inside you… which is… kind of exciting.” Ryan bites his bottom lip.

“There is something weird to it. Sometimes… it feels like it goes up into your throat.” He swallows out of reflex. “And it feels like something pulls or pushes inside of you… so slowly.”

Ryan’s dick twitches.

“Sometimes… my whole body is like it’s on fire. As if all the nerves concentrate on one point.”

He pulls his finger out and pushes it back in with a second one besides it. Ryan groans.

Shane’s face is a little blurry now because Ryan is blinking more, but he still watches. He doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable.

“Fuck.” Ryan curses as he pushes in deeper and feels the stretch.

“Do you mind me watching you?” Shane sounds like he’s grinning and Ryan screws his eyes shut, unable to keep them open much longer.

“I- I like it. Feels good to …. It makes you part of this.”

He groans as he pushes in a third finger. It’s a bit much, so he stills for a moment, waits for his body to relax. His hole flutters around his fingers and squeezes them and he whimpers louder.

“Want you to see me, all stretched out and fucked open.”

Right after speaking, Ryan whines. His dick is dribbling precum on his stomach and he presses against his prostate and feels it twitch and leak more.

He wrenches his eyes open. Shane has moved from his relaxed leaning on the arm rest to the floor next to Ryan. He kneels next to the sofa and reaches up to brush Ryan’s hair from his sweaty forehead.

“I can see you. You look beautiful.”

His voice is soft and Ryan whines.

“Shane- Sir. _Please._ ”

“What do you want, precious? Can I help you?”

“Can you- Can you tell me what to do?”

“Of course. Want me to hold you as well?”

Ryan nods.

“Please.”

He bends a little to lift his upper body while Shane settles on the couch behind him. He pulls Ryan back, allows him to lean against his torso and wraps an arm around Ryan’s chest. The other hand brushes Ryan’s hair back, softly and carefully, as if petting him.

Ryan whines.

“That feel good, baby?”

“Yeah-”

Ryan hisses as he pulls up his legs, placing one over the back of the sofa. He pulls up the other one and Shane lets go of his hair to grab the back of Ryan’s knee.

He’s spread open and knows that Shane can see his hard dick leaking all over his stomach as Ryan fucks himself down onto his fingers. He’s exposed and it’s so embarrassing because Shane can see _everything_. It’s fucking hot.

“Can you fuck yourself on your fingers and jerk yourself at the same time?”

Ryan gasps, free hand flying up to his dick.

“Yeah- May I? Please?”

“Do it.” Shane leans in and growls into his ear. “Come on.”

Ryan’s free hand has still lube stuck to the palm, so he smears his fingers against it, spreads it in his hand as well as he can before he closes his hand around his dick.

“Slowly, Ryan. Start slow.”

Oh, that’s mean-

Ryan groans and very slowly starts to move his hand up and down, up again and over the crown.

His other hand pushes in again, rubbing against his prostate once more and his dick twitches in his hand.

“ _Oh fuck._ ”

“That’s it, baby.” Shane’s breath tickles Ryan’s ear. “Fill yourself up good so I know how to do it to you later.”

Ryan’s fingers twitch inside of him and he gasps out loud. His hand on his dick falters for a moment and he feels frustration build.

“Sir-” He swallows hard. “I- I can’t, it’s too much.”

Shane hums in his ear.

“I think you can. Keep up the speed, come on.”

He nudges Ryan’s left arm and with immense effort he manages to continue squeezing and jerking his dick. The fingers in his ass move idly, because by now he has started to clench and twitch and his body is trying to push the intrusion out.

“Come on, baby,” Shane coos into his ear, “I know you can do it, you said it yourself, right? You wanted to fuck yourself for me, hard and deep and then come, just for me. You promised, didn’t you?”

Ryan grits his teeth.

“I’m sorry.” He manages. “I thought I could make myself come just like this...”

He tries to rock down onto his fingers but he just can’t get the pressure right. They are so slick with lube they threaten to slip out.

“It’s been too long, I- I-”

Shane hushes him and kisses his temple.

“It’s alright, Ryan. We have all the time to practice later. I’ll find a way to make you come just from being fucked.”

Ryan gasps and thrusts up in his hand, pushing his fingers up to keep them inside and finally all three slip in past the second knuckle. He feels the stretch and it burns, but the feeling of being filled up is better, more intense. His cock started leaking precum and the clear beads start rolling down his shaft, mixing with the lube as he continues to jerk himself with shaking fingers.

“B-but I promised to make myself come untouched. Just- just from my ass.”

“It’s fine. You can keep that promise another time.”

Shane pulls Ryan’s leg higher and he feels himself sink a little, head lying on Shane’s chest now as his ass is pulled up higher. Suddenly, he finds the right angle to crook his fingers and as two fingertips press onto his prostate, he feels a jerk go through his whole body.

“There we go.” He can feel Shane smile against his skin. “That’s the right way for you to get fucked. You should do it harder.”

Ryan gulps but obeys. The slick sound of lube seems to echo in their living room as he finger fucks himself in earnest. The hand on his dick falters because he can’t keep up his rhythm and in a sudden flush of hurt pride, he lets go and pushes his arm under his tailbone to lift his hips up more. The leg Shane is holding is now pulled back by gravity, leaning towards Ryan’s shoulder and he can hear Shane chuckle above him.

“So eager to please...” It almost sounds a little exasperated, if not for the fond tone in Shane’s voice.

“Yeah-” Ryan feels hot and sweaty and amazing. “I want to show you, want to be good.”

“Hmmm but you _are_ so good Ryan. You are the best. My very best boy, always pushing himself so hard to be good. He wants to please me where he can and he would do _anything_ for me, wouldn’t you think so?”

“Ah- Yeah. Yes.” Ryan wrenches his eyes shut and bites back a soft _fuck_. “Sir. Hah. I’ll do anything.”

“Will you cum for me?”

Ryan arches his back again, hips trying to move against the fingers inside of him. The angle is perfect now and because he is leaned against Shane, he can see his own fingers thrusting inside of him, see his erection lying on his stomach, hard and smearing the first sign of release over his belly. He knows that Shane can see all of it too and he wants to be seen, wants to be watched while he is fucking himself open for Shane.

“I want to, I want to so much-”

“You can do it, baby, I know you can. Just imagine, after we went shopping and you picked your favorite toy, I’ll be able to do this for you. Would you like that? Me having a nice big toy to fuck you with? Thrust it into you over and over until you can’t think of anything else than being filled?”

“Oh God-”

Ryan pushes his head back against Shane and the hand that was holding his leg comes back into his hair, brushing it out of his face and he opens his eyes for a moment. Shane is leaning over him and Ryan can see his upside down face above him and Shane is grinning with delight.

“You still didn’t tell me if you will come for me...”

Ryan swallows hard and his fingers press against that sweet spot inside him, rubbing and pushing and he is so full and stretched wide but what really tips him over the edge is Shane’s eyes on his face, the heated glare and the soft demand for an answer.

“Shane- Sir. I- _Fuck_ -YES. Yesyesyes-”

He shoves his fingers as deep as they go, rips his arm out from under his hips and the second his hand brushes his dick he is coming all over his stomach and chest. Some of it hits his chin and it should be gross but he knows Shane is watching him stain himself like this and that makes it surprisingly okay. He is shuddering in his orgasm, feels his toes curling and the weight of release settles on him.

 

For a couple of moments, all Ryan can do is breathe hard and twitch on occasion. He feels light headed, almost delirious. It has been too long since he had something inside of him and under Shane’s gaze it had been so charged and intense that he feels like it doesn’t even compare to earlier experiences.

Then he starts groaning.

“Fuuuuck… my legs hurt. And my back. I think I’m getting old.”

Shane wheezes above him.

“You’re not even thirty, babe. You’re not getting old.”

His hair is brushed out of his face and Ryan grumbles, but he is placated by the soft touches. At least a bit.

“Come on, let me help you get up, okay?”

Ryan grumbles but he obeys, slowly sitting up and his fingers slip out of him. His ass actually _flutters_ and god that feels so weird sitting on their sofa. Hopefully he didn’t leave any stains. Shane helps him up, holds him against his body when Ryan’s legs wobble a little. He lets Shane lead him into the bathroom and leans against the wall while Shane cleans him up with a washcloth.

His boyfriend is very thorough and it’s a little bit embarrassing, having him wipe _inside_ of his ass to clean up the lube, but Shane is so careful and calm that Ryan can’t really feel bad. Instead he leans his head on Shane’s shoulder after he’s done and hums happily.

“Do you want to relax and watch a movie?”

“That...” Ryan frowns. “That sounds really good, yeah.”

Shane is laughing.

“Why that expression?”

“I don’t know… I think I just… usually went to sleep after we were playing.”

Shane hands him a pair of fresh underpants and his pajama pants. He is standing close to Ryan can lean onto him to keep upright when he puts them on. Shane kisses his temple afterwards and wraps an arm around him.

“It’s not really that late, I think we have time for a movie. Do you want to pick a movie? I’ll make us popcorn and grab drinks.”

“That sounds good.”

Ryan feels himself starting to smile.

 

Fifteen minutes later, they are sitting on the sofa. Ryan has the bowl of popcorn in his lap, a movie is playing and Shane is sitting behind him, rubbing his shoulders. Ryan hasn’t really expected a massage, but Shane is doing wonders to get rid of the crick in his neck he has caused by squashing himself against Shane’s chest, all curled up. Over the course of the 90 minute movie, Shane focuses his attention on relaxing Ryan’s muscles. After a while, Ryan is splayed out on the sofa, legs on Shane’s lap while Shane works on his thighs and he could fall asleep just like that. His thoughts have strayed a bit from the movie, but that’s okay because they wandered to Shane and that makes him feel relaxed and happy.

He opens his eyes, not sure when he closed them and sees that Shane is looking at him with a smile.

“What are you thinking about?”

Ryan wants to give a sarcastic answer or maybe just say “bed”, but instead he tells him the truth.

“You.”

“Awh.”

Ryan flushes.

“Shut up.”

Shane laughs and leans closer to Ryan to kiss him. Ryan decides to allow it and tilts his head up a bit to kiss back. When they part, Shane is smiling widely.

On the screen, unnoticed by either of them, the credits start to roll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I do my research but I don't have much first-hand experience. If I write anything that might be considered dangerous or wrong, please let me know!


	6. Interlude: Shop and Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Shane go shopping and spend a calm evening at home.
> 
> -
> 
> This chapter has no scenes / no sex, except for a little bondage in the end. :)

“Tomorrow’s Friday. We could go shopping in the afternoon.” Shane says while they’re having lunch together at Buzzfeed.

Ryan just nods, focused on answering an email. Once he puts his phone down, he notices the expression on Shane’s face.

“Oh… you don’t mean grocery shopping.”

Shane smiles innocently and shoves a fork full of potatoes in his mouth without breaking eye contact. Ryan huffs a bit and stares at his plate.

He’s looking forward to their shopping trip, he really is. But he is also weirdly nervous.

 

“Alright.” He finally says. “Let’s go tomorrow.”

Shane smirks, amused.

 

-

 

After work on Friday, they toss their bags into Ryan’s car and drive to the store Shane picked out. “Keys” generally has good reviews on different websites and apparently has a couple of employees who are ready to give advice and recommendations. Shane shows Ryan their logo and Ryan has to laugh a little. It’s a pretty fun design of a pink key chain with several sex toys between the keys. Dildos, vibrators and even a pair of handcuffs are dangling from the key ring.

 

Finding a parking spot is probably the biggest challenge Ryan has to face this day, so he is relatively relaxed once they walk up to the store.

 

“When’s the last time you’ve been to one of those stores?” Shane asks conversationally.

Ryan has to actually think about it for a moment.

“Not since college… I think it’s been at least seven years.”

Shane giggles and Ryan throws him a curious glance.

“Why? Did you go to one?”

“Oh yes. Several times. The last time was about a year ago.”

Ryan’s eyebrows rise.

“Really?”

Shane just shrugs and thinks for a moment.

“You know how you sometimes look up something to figure out if you like it? Like a kink for example?”

Ryan nods. About a year ago, he might not have admitted to that, but with Shane, his inhibitions have changed.

“Well, I don’t know if all ace people think like that, but to me it always feels like the option for discovery. So many people assume you’re not _really_ asexual, so you look up kinks more often to figure out if you actually _do_ feel sexual attraction, but you need your partner to … I don’t know, wear a chicken costume or something.”

Ryan snorts.

“I love you but, I don’t know if I would do that.”

Shane is laughing and puts an arm around him.

“Well, it was just an example. I guess there is a certain curiosity to go through these stores. For me, at least. I know … a bit about kinks and practices and the lot, just because it fascinates me. Even before we got together.”

Ryan nods.

“But now I can rediscover it all with _you_ , which is kinda cool.”

Ah. Ryan has to admit that it’s oddly touching to hear that. Even though it’s all (mostly) about sex, well, about Ryan getting his rocks off, really… Shane is very interested in all of this and his curiosity is contagious. Ryan can imagine himself reading up on a kink he is not partial to just because his partner is into it. That’s what Shane’s doing and he seems to be excited to find out more ways to make Ryan happy. It’s sweet and Ryan knows that Shane cares. He sees it every day, but especially when they play together and Shane focuses his attention 100% on Ryan and what he wants.

 

He suddenly feels a bit exposed, standing in front of a sex shop with his boyfriend, ready to buy toys for their bedroom, but Shane simply takes his hand and walks ahead, so Ryan doesn’t see a reason to hesitate.

They pass the entry to the cinema and Ryan glances over with mild interest. He is surprised to still see something like that in the age of information technology. He would have assumed that most people found their porn online, but maybe there was a certain thrill to watching it in a cinema.

 

As they enter the store, he remembers why he doesn’t necessarily like these places. It’s decorated in a lot of pinks and beiges, pictures of women in lingerie or fetish costumes… the store looks like an average novelty store paired with a porn magazine. Ryan spots rows and rows of DVD’s with porn and he’s genuinely surprised at that. He can’t remember the last time he bought _any_ DVD, not to mention a pornographic one. Next to the entry, one wall is plastered with fetish-y costumes and he raises an eyebrow at all the sex nurses and fairies and nuns.

 

He has forgotten how weird some of these stores really are.

 

“Hey, I’m Charlene. Can I help you with something?”

 

He looks up. One of the employees has walked up to them. She’s a woman about Ryan’s age with long, dark hair that has a single silver strand in it. She’s wearing a shirt with the company logo on it and wrinkles her nose a bit as if to suppress a sneeze. Ryan notices a black septum piercing above her lip. He realizes that someone like her could easily be someone working at Buzzfeed.

Shane is still holding his hand and doesn’t seem to feel like letting go soon, but he walks up to the woman and smiles at her.

“Hey. So. We want to browse, too, but in general we were looking for bondage ropes and toys for anal.”

Ryan almost flushes. By now, he’s used to Shane being blunt and direct about their “games”, but it’s the first time he’s talking this calmly about it with a third person. Sure, the woman’s job is to sell all kinds of things, from condoms to fetish gear, but still, he can’t help the slight embarrassment. He fights against it, though, trying to have a “normal” conversation.

 

“Hey. Uh.” Ryan frowns. Should he introduce himself? Charlene did after all, but this was a store by the end of the day. He usually wouldn’t if he were here to buy sneakers, but something tells him this might be a tiny bit more personal.

“I’m Ryan and, uh, this is my boyfriend.”

“Hi, I’m Shane.”

Charlene chuckles.

“Nice to meet you!” She says.

“I’m… not sure what the procedure is but I think it would help… to tell you what _exactly_ we’re looking for?”

Charlene smiles.

“Sure, just give me some details you’re comfortable sharing. But… maybe not _too_ detailed.”

Shane frowns.

“Do … people do that?”

Charlene looks a bit exhausted.

“Some do.”

Shane cringes.

“My apologies. I feel for you.”

“Thanks.”

 

Ryan waits a moment before continuing.

“Okay so… our relationship is a little… uncommon.”

Charlene’s face is open and expectant but Ryan guesses she hears that a lot. However, he actually does think he’s not exaggerating.

“We’re… in a Dom/sub relationship. He’s my Dom and I’m his sub.” Ryan flushes only a bit putting it on the table like that but he feels the hand holding his squeeze a bit, reassuringly. He slowly relaxes a little. Meanwhile, Shane joins the explanation.

“But I’m ace. Asexual, I mean. I’m not really into boning Ryan like that, so I use my… role, I guess, as a Dom to take care of him.”

“Huh.” Charlene looks both of them up and down. “I gotta say that is not an everyday thing. Not the strangest thing I have ever heard, mind you. And it makes sense to me. It’s not unusual for a Dom be a bit “separated”. And not every BDSM pair has sex.”

“Yeah.” Shane smiles a bit. “But, well, we do and since I only have guides online I don’t know what type of, let’s say ropes for example, would be good. So we’re wondering if you can help us out?”

She looks at Ryan.

“What kind of bondage did you have in mind?”

 

“Uh.” Ryan feels a little put on the spot. “I don’t know much. But I guess… something that restricts movement? We’re pretty much pain-free, so I’m not looking for something that makes you cramp up super fast in case that’s a thing.”

Charlene shrugs.

“There are all kinds of things.”

Then she looks at Shane.

“And your boy wants penetration and you are going to pick a toy for him?”

Shane nods and Ryan suddenly feels warm and happy and loved. Shane and Charlene start talking while Ryan zones out, thinking about all the things Shane would stuff Ryan with. _Fuuuck._

 

He blinks to get back on track. Charlene walks ahead and Ryan glances at the products they pass. They got everything. Costumes, whips, masks, a _huge_ collection of lubes and massage oils, chains…

It’s a little overwhelming.

 

“For first times I always recommend these.” Charlene says as she takes a small package off a wall. Ryan spots blue packaging and the vague image of someone spread out on a bed. Charlene opens the package and pulls out what looks like a rolled up strip of fabric.

“Those are silk sashes. Sashes don’t cut into skin the way rope does, because it’s wider. Also in case of emergency, you can cut it more easily than thick ropes.”

“Ah.” Shane says. He looks at Ryan. “Remind me to take the scissors if we test this.”

Ryan only nods. He feels nervous, but it’s an interesting nervousness as he sees Charlene unroll the sash. It’s black silk and the shimmer is really pretty.

“Another good thing about these is that if you twine them right, you don’t even need that many knots. Especially if you just want to tie wrists or ankles together.”

She looks at Ryan.

“Do you want to try?”

Ryan opens his mouth, unsure what to answer. His fingers brush the silk and he notices how soft it really is. Charlene seems to be fighting a little smile.

“Here.”

She carefully moves his hands into fists and places them together. Ryan’s elbows rest at his side and he looks down at the triangular shape his arms are in. Charlene settles the sash over his wrists and starts to wind it around Ryan’s arms, up, around and through and finally twists the sides together with an eight-shaped wind. There is quite some sash left which she let’s dangle between Ryan’s arms. He looks down at his bound wrists and twists them carefully. The silk glides against his skin and it feels barely restraining. When he presses his fists together to bend his wrists against the silk however, he notices with delight how it barely gives in until his movement is stopped.

  
“Huh.” He says in surprise. “That is… pretty good.”

He looks up at Shane who seems very concentrated on the bindings. He reaches over and slips his pinky finger under the restraints, testing how tight they are. Ryan shivers a little at the touch, even though it feels silly.

“Can you show me how you did it?” Shane asks. Charlene nods.

“It comes with a little booklet for the first bindings. If you want something more complicated, I’d recommend a proper book and some silk rope, by the way.”

Shane smirks as Charlene undoes the bonds on Ryan.

“I’m sure we’ll be back.”

The sash slips away and Ryan subconsciously rubs his wrists, despite there being no burns. Charlene looks at him as she gathers the sash in her hands.

“If you have it on for too long or move a lot, the sash can still cause chafing, by the way, so be mindful of that, in case you don’t want visible bruises.”

Ryan nods. His mouth is a little dry as he watches Shane hold out his hands and lets Charlene wind the sash around his wrists, slower this time with her describing each little detailed move. Once it’s in place, she undoes it again and Shane looks at Ryan, questioningly.

 

Ryan is about to ask what he is thinking when he gets it. His heart picks up a bit as he holds out his arms to Shane and Shane starts redoing the bounds, careful and with high concentration. When the sash falls between Ryan’s arms, Shane asks:

“How is it? Too tight? Too lose?”

Ryan moves his arms, tries the ties and then twists his wrists.

“They’re good.”

“Yeah?” Shane looks so excited that Ryan almost laughs.

“Yeah. Perfect.”

 

They tell Charlene they’ll buy the sash. While she rolls it up again, Shane is standing nearby to flick through the little booklet from the box. Ryan watches his face, clear interest in his expression and he feels suddenly very sappy. Charlene next to him huffs a laugh and he starts, realizing he forgot she is there.

“I really had not heard of an asexual person being a Dom before, but as I said, it makes sense. You feel happy with that arrangement?”

Ryan is surprised how businesslike the question is. In nearly every other situation he would consider it deeply personal.

“Very.” He originally doesn’t want to say more but maybe it’s the image of Shane still reading instructions or the lingering tingle on his wrists, but he starts to ramble a bit.

“It’s… really amazing, I can’t lie. Shane is so… so good at reading up about all that and he listens to everything I say and always checks in if I’m alright and he comforts me after scenes and-” He flushes and breaks off. “Sorry about that.”

Charlene laughs.

“It’s fine. I’m happy to see a healthy BDSM relationship. You two are… sweet and I like that.”

She hands Ryan the box and then leans close to Shane to whisper conspiratorially. It’s not especially quiet and Ryan can still hear her.

“Should we go looking for that toy, now?”

Ryan could swear Shane’s eyes are gleaming.

 

-

 

Ryan thinks they’re going to walk straight to the toys, when Charlene interrupts to ask Shane something.

“How do you feel about gloves?”

“What?”

“Well, there are gloves that are made especially for fingering. And fisting for those who are into that.”

Shane’s eyebrows twitch up.

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s mostly for hygiene, but if you prefer not to get fully into this-” She giggles at her own unintentional joke. “Then you might be more comfortable using them.”

Shane looks thoughtful at the box she handed him. Ryan can see the wheels in his head turning. Shane once told him that he is fine in many ways with imagining sexual things, but often tenses up when he gets into the actual act. Ryan lets him contemplate, he knows he can’t really help with it right now.

 

Instead, he asks Charlene to show him some of her favorite toys.

 

“You into penetration, buddy?”

Ryan flushes a little.

“Er… yes. And, you know, my boyfriend isn’t really into doing it himself so we were looking for some toys. I guess… maybe one to ease into it?”

“We have some smaller sizes. Depending if you want stretching or deep penetration or focus on your prostate. Or, if you want, we also have a couple of plugs you might like.”

“Uh...”

 

He thinks about it. It’s been a while, but he’s not a _virgin_ which doesn’t really help picking something. What kind would be the best? Ryan doesn’t remember reading about plugs but he guesses they’re not made to fuck someone with them, rather add penetration or hide it in public...

Ryan can’t help but think about options. Shane pushing a plug into him, making him wear it outside of their flat… He feels his face heat up and quickly changes his train of thought.

 

“I think… something average? Prostate stimulation is fine, but otherwise I don’t really have huge experiences or any preferences.”

 

Although he will probably bring up the option of a plug to Shane. Maybe not here and now, but eventually.

 

Shane, apparently, noticed that Ryan’s starting to fantasize he steps up behind him and brushes his fingers up his arm. Ryan doesn’t _flinch_ but he pauses and slowly looks up at Shane. Shane’s eyebrows are lifted as if he wants to ask a question and Ryan is unsure what to say, so he decides to push the conversation to a later time.

“You wanna look at some of them?”

Shane smiles.

“Sure. Tell me what you like.”

 

-

 

 

They end up buying more than Ryan had originally planned. Shane insists on buying Ryan ‘something nice’ and lets him pick, with Charlene’s assistance. He also adds some lube and massage oil to their basket despite Ryan insisting that he doesn’t have to massage him every time Ryan feels like going off on a dildo. He’s overruled on that and grumbles for the show, despite being touched.

 

Shane just seems amused as he hands Charlene his credit card. They get a bag – with a simple black and white chessboard design – and thank her for all the help before walking out together. Ryan involuntarily looks around as they leave the place, slightly worried that someone will see them and shame them for buying sex toys. Shane is holding his hand again and he bumps their shoulders together.

 

“You okay, little guy?”

Ryan smiles.

“I’m good. Just a bit nervous, I guess.”

Shane kisses his temple.

“No reason to. I got you.”

Ryan feels himself drift a little closer.

“You do.”

 

-

 

When they come home, Shane stashes their purchases in the box underneath their bed while Ryan heats up pizza.

Ryan he comes in the living room and sees Shane lounging on the sofa, twisting the black satin sash in his fingers. He looks thoughtful. When Ryan places the food on the table, he swings his legs down and they settle next to one another, their knees brushing.

“Why did you bring that?”

Shane shrugs.

“It’s nice to the touch. And I was thinking about the bindings Charlene showed me.”

“Wanna try them?”

 

Shane seems surprised.

“What… now?”

Ryan shrugs.

“We know it doesn’t have to be sexual. And they said to try short times first. We could watch an episode of something and I can see how it feels.”

Shane smirks a little.

“You just want me to feed you, admit it.”

 

Ryan gives him a stare that he knows will look unimpressed.

“As if!”

Shane is laughing but he picks up the sash again and turns in his seat. Ryan feels nervous excitement bubble in his stomach as he holds out his hands. Shane’s movements are more secure this time as he wraps Ryan’s wrists in the soft fabric. He takes the long ends and holds them in one hand, tugging experimentally. Ryan feels his arms follow Shane’s move and his heartbeat picks up a little. It’s easy to imagine Shane leading him around the room like that, making him stand or kneel. He eyeballs the length of the sash. It would fit around their headboard.

 

Shane tugs again and Ryan feels his breath stutter a little and Shane seems to have heard it because he’s grinning that smug smile.

“Don’t make fun of me.” Ryan says without edge. Shane leans in and kisses his forehead.

“I’d never, babe. Well, not with this.”

Ryan snorts and settles against Shane’s side when his boyfriend wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer. Shane starts Netflix first before picking up a piece of pizza, blowing on it for a moment. Ryan is about to comment that he’s not a little child, but when the piece is held up to his mouth he bites into it and chews obediently. Shane kisses his shoulder and Ryan’s heart does a little flip.

 

It’s strange, sitting curled in his boyfriend’s arms with his hands bound together. He is leaning against Shane and hand on his shoulder has the ends of the sash wrapped around Shane’s fingers. Shane himself is alternating between eating himself and feeding Ryan bites and it should feel weird, but Ryan finds himself relaxing. It’s comfortable and affectionate. He sometimes flexes against the bonds, relishing in the feeling of the sash holding him in place and eventually, he tucks his head under Shane’s chin and just pulls his hands up to his chest. The ends of the sash tense a bit and he can’t help it. It feels good. Oddly _secure_.

 

Shane leans back and looks at him, his thumb rubbing circles on his shoulders.

“Should I undo them?”

Ryan sighs, eyes half closed.

“Maybe another minute?”

He feels Shane move a little and then warm lips cover his own. Ryan kisses back softly, humming as Shane pulls back again. His boyfriend’s voice is soft when he answers.

“Alright. One more minute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I do my research but I don't have much first-hand experience. If I write anything that might be considered dangerous or wrong, please let me know!
> 
> (This is not a How-To, if you're interested in Dom/sub relationships and BDSM, please research actual guides!)


	7. Mark and Defend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan faces an uncomfortable situation. He figures out a way, Shane can help him with it.  
> -  
> This chapter deals with hickeys, markings and possessiveness. Also a warning for (sexual) harassment. Nothing bad happens, but a character is put into a very uncomfortable situation of unwanted attention. There is also a character saying acephobic things.  
> Take care, lovelies <3

Working at Buzzfeed means you always juggle your own personal life and your public life. Sometimes you can’t help mixing it a little. Whether your spouse or your friends work with you or personal topics get brought up in videos, everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Some employees keep as much to themselves as possible, while others are a lot more open.

 

Ryan has always low-key admired Ned for being so open to gush about his wife the way he does. Ryan is more… private. Not aggressively so, but when he mentions his family in videos or social media, he makes sure not to get too in-depth about things. With Shane, he hasn’t gone out of his way to avoid the topic, but he has also not mentioned it in front of a camera, so far. There is the odd post on social media and his bio on the website, but otherwise, they have not acted as a couple on screen. Unsolved is about the cases, not about them. Still, now that he and Shane are relatively “open” about being together at _work_ , it’s only a matter of time till they get asked to be in a couples video.

 

Surprisingly, Shane gets approached on his own first about a relationship video. He mentions it during lunch.

 

“I got an email earlier, that’s why I didn’t mention it yet.”

Ryan nods, chewing potatoes.

“So, any idea what the video is, yet?”

“Yeah.” Shane smiles a little. “It’s about asexuality, actually.”

“Oh.” Ryan sits up. “That’s great! Wait...” He leans in, continuing carefully. “It is, great, right?”

Shane chuckles.

“It is. Yeah. I mean, of course I’m pretty nervous? But I like the idea of there being a video about it, that explains asexuality from the view of people who actually are ace. And they sent us a question about what common misconceptions are about being ace, so they can prepare. Which is cool.”

Ryan smiles behind his drink can.

“That’s awesome. I’m glad.”

Shane shuffles in his seat.

“Do you want to come with me if you’re free?”

“You want me to?”

“Of course.”

Ryan smiles, feeling the familiar fluttering in his chest.

“Sure. I’ll come with you.”

Shane looks relieved.

“Cool. Thanks.”

 

-

 

Without intending to, Ryan ends up in the video. It’s a last minute addition, really, since it seems informative to have the partner of one of the people in the video on screen as well. The producer promises no too invading questions and Ryan sits down next to Shane, only a little nervous.

 

“So, what is it like dating someone who is asexual?”

Ryan looks at Shane, thinking.

“I mean. It’s pretty much like dating anyone. A relationship isn’t just- just sex, there is a lot that goes into it and that isn’t influenced by Shane’s sexuality at all. And when it came to sex, I mean-”

He bites his bottom lip, feeling a tiny flush of shame.

“The first time, uh, I tried to initiate something I think I kind of pushed to far and freaked him out.”

He looks over.

“Which I still feel terrible about.”

Shane scoffs and nudges him a bit with his elbow.

“Don’t. It’s fine.”

“Still.” Ryan looks back at the camera. “So, Shane stopped me and, well, basically told me that this isn’t something he wants and, honestly, what else would my reaction be? Of course I wouldn’t think about pushing him there. There are a lot of things a couple can do that isn’t sex. And in general it's important to talk about what you want anyway, so, you should _always_ communicate with your partner about what you want and don’t want, no matter their sexuality. Or yours. And when you love someone, the idea of leaving them for their sexuality, something they don't control, feels just… wrong.”

He smiles over at Shane, feeling a little sappy.

“I’m really happy the way things are, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Shane huffs a little _a_ _wh_ at that and leans into him. Ryan takes Shane’s hand which was resting on the table and squeezes it.

 

-

 

A week later, on Friday, they’re at an office party. Ladylike wrapped up something bigger and Ryan really has to ask about the project because he has only heard bits and pieces here and there and it _sounds_ pretty cool, but he knows little to no details. He tries to catch Kristin, but she is here and there and _everywhere_ socializing and he can’t keep up. Instead, he grabs a drink, charmed by the very enthusiastic bartender who mixes something delightful with whiskey that leaves him speechless because it’s just so good. He finds Shane to share the drink with him and laughs as Shane’s eyes go wide.

 

“That’s … that is delicious.”

“Right? It’s amazing.”

Shane is laughing, too.

“I think I’m gonna slink over there and grab something myself. What did you call him? A wizard? I have to see that power myself.”

“Oh you will.” Ryan laughs, sipping his drink as Shane slowly slips his arm away from his middle as he makes his way over. He looks after his boyfriend, keeping track of the tall figure in between the other people and just sits and relaxes.

 

“Oh hey. Ryan Bergara, right?”

He looks up. One of the newer employees has joined him at his and Shane’s table and scoots a chair over to sit right next to Ryan.

“Hey. I’m Dylan. I do editing work for Ladylike. Well, at the moment. Hope to work with you one day.”

He holds out his hand and Ryan blinks in surprise before putting his drink down to shake it.

“Nice to meet you, Dylan. You- I mean I would introduce myself but you already know me?”

Dylan laughs, scratching his ginger beard. He doesn’t let go of Ryan’s hand right away and Ryan feels a twinge of irritation at that, but he keeps a polite smile.

“Oh yes, I’m a big fan of yours. I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

He finally lets go of Ryan’s hand and Ryan has to fight the urge to wipe his palm on his shirt.

“Wow, uh, that’s flattering. You a fan of Unsolved?”

“Yeah! I think what you did with that show is amazing. It lifted off _so well_. You deserve all the attention you get for it.”

Ryan smiles a little, feeling the bit of pride over his baby soothe the twinge of discomfort.

“Hey, thanks again. I really adore working on the show, but I couldn’t do it without Shane.”

“Ah, yes. I get that. You need some balance to it all, although he dismisses a bit too much, if I might say that.”

Ryan’s mouth sets into a line. There is something about him and Shane bickering that makes certain things okay. Their friends poking fun at either of them is also alright. People who _weren’t_ in their circle mocking one of them however? That usually ended with either of them defending the other. Shane would call him delusional on camera more than once and Ryan knew he wasn't really insulting his intelligence or sanity. But if someone on twitter decided to do the same, Shane would tear them down within seconds. It was just… different.

“Well. I think I can hold my ground really well. And, uh, not sure if you know, we’re not just friends, we’re in a relationship, so we definitely don’t hate each other.”

Dylan nods.

“Oh, yeah, I watched that video they uploaded this Monday. I originally wouldn’t have, but you were in it, so I checked it out.”

Ryan feels his eye twitch. Fans were one thing. If he met someone at a convention and they said that they watched all the videos with him in it, he might get a bit embarrassed over older stuff or comment on how he admires their dedication. But that was a fan, not a coworker, not someone who had personal contact with him. Dylan’s comment seems weirdly inappropriate.

“You were really friendly in that, considering… well. You know.”

 

Ryan frowns. He gets the feeling he doesn’t want to ask, but he has to.

“I know what?”

“Well. That this is all bullshit.”

He blinks.

“Excuse me?”

Ryan is surprised he can speak. Heat floods his stomach but not in a good way, he feels a twinge of a headache as his brows knit together.

“Well. All that shit about _Asexuality_. It’s just someone being a prude. I’m actually offended on your behalf, because… I’m gonna be honest, you’re hot as fuck and if Shane can’t see that, it’s really his problem.”

“Uh.” Ryan straightens his back. “Buddy, I think you have the wrong idea. Because Asexuality very much is an actual thing. That’s why the video was made. And what I said is absolutely the truth.”

“Sure, sure. But you gotta miss it, right?”

Ryan is about to get up when Dylan’s arm slips around his back and grabs his bicep. The grip is kneading, as if testing the muscle there and Ryan reaches for his drink, ready to go full on cliche and just trow it at the guy.

“I told you, I think you’re smokin’. So, what do you say-”

“I really hope you do not plan on finishing that sentence, man, because I’m about to get really pissed off at you.”

“Hey, no reason to get all bitchy. I’m just offering to get you out of here. Come on, I’ll make it good for you. You won’t even know why the hell you’re putting up with the guy.”

Ryan goes rigid. His eyebrows are now pulled high up on his forehead because holy shit, that guy is unbelievable. He is every bad thing in the book and Ryan is so baffled at the fact that this guy actually seams to _mean what he is saying._ Still, he speaks calmly and carefully.

“That is an offer, sure. I can’t say I’m flattered because I really am not. And I’m not interested either, so. No.”

Dylan leans too close, invading Ryan’s personal bubble.

“Come on, babe. You are a dream buffet and I’ve been into you for so long. You inspired me to come to Buzzfeed!”

 

Ryan shrugs off the arm.

“That’s very nice but, as I already said, I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, as you know.”

“He doesn’t have to know.”

The smirk he’s been given is downright lecherous and Ryan feels physically ill. He is a strong guy. He could easily break Dylan’s nose or throw him out. But he doesn’t want to make a scene. He knows he’s stupid. The Ladylike crew would absolutely stand behind him, but he still doesn’t want to ruin their party. So instead, he just stands up.

“I would know. And I have absolutely no interest in doing anything even remotely sexual with you.”

The guy scoffs.

“Sure, sure. You think you know what you want, but I know you’re just in need of a good fuck, baby. You look tense. Is it because your ‘boyfriend’ won’t let you touch him? Keeps you trapped in celibacy because you _looove_ him?”

Something about the way this man pronounces “love” makes Ryan think he must have been absolute hell in middle and high school. He feels himself turn cold.

“I don’t know what sort of problem you have with the idea of love, but the fact that my boyfriend is asexual doesn’t impact our relationship in the slightest. You, however, are terrible and I’m actually feeling sick having to talk to you so I’m going to join my friends now, bye.”

Dylan actually tries to make a grab for Ryan but Ryan tears his arm free and storms off.

 

He doesn’t make a beeline for the bar, because he is trying to locate Shane first. But he realizes he has lost him somewhere in the crowd. Ryan shudders and pounds back the rest of his drink. Even the perfection of the thing doesn’t make him feel better. He leaves the empty glass on the counter and heads straight for the bathrooms. It’s empty, thankfully and Ryan slams a stall door behind himself and locks it with shaking fingers. Immediately, the thought of Dylan following him to corner him here comes to his mind and he feels like he could actually throw up.

Ryan slams down the seat of the toilet and sits down on it, pulling his legs up from the floor to lean his chin on his knees. He breathes deep, slow breaths despite being in the restroom and the air being less than agreeable.

 

The restroom door opens and closes and Ryan tenses up, listening for the footsteps.

 

“Ryan?”

 

All the tension floods from his body as he hears Shane’s voice echo in the tiled room. He sucks in a breath, having a suspicious hard time with it as he gets up and scrambles to unlock the door. He throws it open and it almost hits Shane in the shoulder, because the other man has been standing outside waiting.

“You okay? Did you have too much- oh-”

Ryan nearly causes Shane to stagger back as he throws himself in his arms, wrapping his own around his boyfriend’s torso. He squeezes tight, burying his face in his chest and breathes out, relaxing a little.

“Ryan? What’s wrong?”

Shane’s arm rests around his shoulder and the other on his head. It’s soothing, grounding.

Ryan is still shaking with anger and disgust but Shane’s hug helps. His boyfriend starts to rub circles on his back and Ryan slowly leans up to put his head on Shane’s shoulder.

 

“I just almost punched someone.”

Shane pauses and Ryan can feel his confusion.

“What happened?”

“There was this guy. Dylan. He’s new and he’s… I guess a fan of mine.”

Shane’s hand pauses.

“You’re not the type to punch fans… at least unless you sneak off on conventions to have fight club style brawls with them. In which case I would be deeply offended you don’t invite me.”

Ryan can’t help it, he laughs, the sound echoing around them and he feels a tiny bit better.

“Shut up, Shane. You’re so weird.”

Shane chuckles and hugs him with both arms, tight and secure to his chest.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine-”

“No, I- it’s fine.”

Ryan takes a deep breath and settles against Shane when he exhales.

“When I say _fan_ , I mean he was into me. And he was pretty clear about that.”

“Ah.”

“And he kept just… pushing and _pushing_ and suggesting we should get out and how about I needed to get fucked and… I felt so disgusted, but I didn’t want to make a scene. Like, that shit never happened to me before. I only ever heard about that from-”

“From women?”

“Yeah.” Ryan feels miserable. “I mean I know they probably have to deal with that constantly and here I am, whining about it like-”

“Hey, no, hang on.” Shane leans back to look at him, cupping Ryan’s jaw in his hand.

“Just because that doesn’t happen to you all the time doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel disgusted or get out of there.”

He sighs, searching Ryan’s eyes for… something.

“I’m sorry that guy harassed you, baby, I wish I could have been there to tell him off.”

Ryan can't help it. He blurts out his thoughts, unable to keep them in.

“Did you feel like that? The night we got together? When I tried to have sex with you?”

Shane stares at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“What? Is that what you’re thinking?”

“I- I mean...”

“No! Of course not, Ryan. I didn’t even have to say anything. The moment you saw I was uncomfortable you backed off! You weren’t like that guy at all.”

Ryan swallows. Some of the terrible feeling disperses.

“Promise?”

“I swear to you.”

Shane looks at him seriously. One hand comes up to pet Ryan’s hair.

“You never made me feel like you pressured me into something. Never.”

“Okay...”

Ryan leans closer and buries himself into Shane’s arms again.

“The worst part was that he insulted _you_. That was so fucking gross, I- I don’t even want to repeat it. It was so wrong and I wish I could have defended you better. I-”

Ryan swallows again. The lump in his throat won’t lessen.

“Shane, I want you to know if you ever want to stop- you know, whatever our “arrangement” is, it wouldn’t change anything. I want to be with you, whichever way you want me-”

“Shh. I know, Ryan. I know.”

Shane kisses his forehead.

“I want you to know: You don’t have to defend me at all, babe. I know how you feel about me and that’s what counts. I don’t care what other people assume about our relationship.”

“I do...” Ryan puts his head on Shane’s shoulder. “I want people to know how happy you make me...”

Shane hums and hugs Ryan a bit tighter.

“You make me so happy, Ryan.”

“Okay.”

“I mean it.”

“I- I know.”

He sighs and holds onto Shane. They stand like that for a moment and Shane sways them ever so slightly. Maybe he sticks to the rhythm of the music that slowly trickles through the closed door. Ryan keeps his eyes closed and relaxes in the embrace.

 

Shane suggests that they can leave, but Ryan refuses to give in and run away. Instead they go back out and hang at the bar. Ryan chats with the bartender, learning a bit about the way he works and what additions really bring out the subtle flavors of whiskey.

He eventually finds Kristin and chats with her about the project. Mostly he makes an effort of keeping his gaze fixed on whoever he is speaking to or on his drink or on the table or on Shane. Shane, who is smiling at him, touches his shoulder or his hand in that subtle fashion they do at work, the one that suggests all the love he shows Ryan, but is sweet and chaste. It grounds Ryan and he ends up having a fine evening.

When Shane half-carries him home, Ryan is humming one of the songs the DJ was playing and Shane is giggling at the made up lyrics Ryan mumbles to himself, because he can’t remember the actual ones. Shane acts very much he does after their scenes. He makes Ryan drink water and helps him change into his sleepwear. Then he holds Ryan until they both fall asleep. Ryan thinks, this is just what he needs after this experience.

 

-

 

It’s not.

 

Or rather: It’s not enough.

 

On Sunday, he’s on edge. He thinks about returning to work and while his current project is fine, even enjoyable and they have a postmortem scheduled and prepare for their season finale… the thought of maybe running into Dylan makes him feel nauseous and god, does he hate that. He hates how this … piece of shit has such an effect on him.

 

Shane notices, of course. They are just hanging out, taking care of their own things. Shane sits at the small desk in the living room and Ryan is on the couch, his legs thrown up on the seat with his laptop on his thighs, typing away at a script. He keeps pausing. Over and over. Just to fret about how uncomfortable he had felt with Dylan’s arm around him. He remembers all the shitty things this guy said. He especially remembers how he had insulted Shane.

Ryan feels his fingers curl into fists. His jaw is about to set when cool, dry fingertips graze it. He looks up. Shane is smiling at him. Very softly and carefully but Ryan immediately feels better. Shane’s hand cups his face as he crouches in front of him.

  
“Ryan. Whatever you’re worrying about, you need to relax a little. You look pretty bad.”

Ryan swallows. He wants to tell Shane what he is thinking about, but the thought of repeating any of the things Dylan said makes him sick. For a moment, he is worried he’s going to cry, but he manages to keep calm.

 

“I’m sorry.”

“No reason to be.”

Ryan shuffles a bit on the couch so Shane can sit down next to his waist. The hand doesn’t leave his face. Instead, Shane starts to stroke his thumb across Ryan’s cheek.

“Can I help you relax, somehow?”

 

Ryan thinks about it. Whatever they do in scenes and after them, it always manages to relax him in the end. When Shane pulls him into a scene, it usually means that the tension in Ryan is going to be wound up to the point of snapping only to be released in just the right moment, flooding his body with relief and satisfaction. Even when they don’t end up doing anything sexual, Shane is great at calming Ryan down. Holding or cuddling him or simply sitting him down to relax and eat something… it’s something Shane just knows how to do.

 

But somehow, Ryan has another thought. He is nervous about it, not sure if he should ask for it. Of course, Shane always wants him to ask for the things he wants. But this time, Ryan is more nervous than usual about it, because it skids so dangerously close to the borders Shane has put up and Ryan would never want to cross them. He swallows and looks at Shane.

 

His boyfriend looks at him, still stroking his face. A soft smile is playing on his features and Ryan’s heart swells. Finally, he finds his voice.

“I mean, I’m sure you can- But I think it’s not what I need right now.”

Shane lifts his eyebrows a tiny little bit. His head tilts to one side as he takes in Ryan’s face and body language. Ryan knows he looks nervous, mostly because Shane leans in to kiss his forehead and whispers in the old, familiar tone:

“Tell me what you need.”

 

Ryan sighs and then, finally, makes a decision. He squeezes his eyes shut, gulps and then tears his eyes open to look at Shane.

“Shane, I want you to mark me.”

Shane’s eyebrows lift even more and he searches Ryan’s face in confusion.

“What?”

“I want you to show me I’m yours, show everyone who even glimpses at me that I’m taken and none of me is out there to claim. Please? Can you leave marks all over me?”

Shane’s breath stops for a moment and his hand moves up Ryan’s jaw. His long fingers trail over his neck, to the base of his skull and the fingertips massage one of Ryan’s favorite spots softly.

Ryan almost groans as his eyes start to droop. Still, he keeps talking.

“I- I know you said you don’t want to injure me and if you say no, that’s fine. But some part of me wants- I mean...”

He takes a deep breath.

“I want you to bite me and put hickeys everywhere so I can’t hide all of them even if I tried. I want to look in the mirror and see you all over me.”

Shane leans in and Ryan feels the hitched breath against his lips come out with a whoosh and he squirms a bit at the tickle. Then Shane kisses him, firm and promising and Ryan opens his mouth to let him in. They kiss, slowly, deeply, but still soft and without much heat. Ryan lets Shane take over, relishes how he leans over him and presses him into the couch. It’s wonderful, to have Shane so close, push against him like that and use his physical power over Ryan.

 

“Ryan...” Shane finally whispers against his mouth. “Are you sure about that? You’re pretty… private. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable at work.”

Ryan cups Shane’s face and stares at him.

“I don’t care. I much rather be a little embarrassed about a love bite than have that feeling of being… prey again. Please? Please, Sir, will you mark me as yours?”

Shane bares his teeth a little and it’s pretty fucking hot.

“Alright, baby. I can do that. Anything for you.”

Ryan’s breath stutters.

“Really? I- if you’re not okay with it I don’t want you to-”

Shane moves in and kisses him, a little harsher than before and teeth nip on Ryan’s bottom lip and he feels the tingle, the sting of his skin reddening slightly. Shane pulls back.

“I could never hit you. Or cut you. Anything like that. But… you want love bites?”

Ryan swallows and nods. He feels a little embarrassed. But he also feels like he can’t move away from his answer and this is _Shane,_ who never makes him feel bad about whatever Ryan needs in the bedroom. It helps. A lot.

 

Shane smiles softly.

“That… I can do. With pleasure.”

Ryan’s eyes widen and his mouth opens slowly. He’s not sure what to say, but he finally settles on:

“Really?”

Shane smiles down at him.

“Really. Come on, let’s get ready for bed, first, okay?”

Ryan smiles.

“Okay.”

 

-

 

They brush their teeth side by side, smiling at each other here and then in the mirror. When Ryan washes the gel out of his hair, Shane is already waiting for him with a towel. They change into boxers and t-shit each, but then Shane tugs on Ryan’s shirt and smirks.

“I think you can keep that one off. I will need that space… baby-boy.”

Ryan shudders at the term and all but yanks the shirt off of his body.

“Of course, Sir.”

He swallows.

Shane leans in, breath smelling of mint as he whispers.

“Go to bed and wait for me, okay?”

Ryan nods.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good boy.”

Ryan shudders again and obeys, walking to their bedroom and sitting down on the middle of the bed.

 

Shane follows him barely a minute later, smiling at him as he sits down on the bed and pulls his legs up. He crawls over Ryan and Ryan feels himself settle into submitting, his body growing soft and pliant as he lies down on the mattress with Shane kneeling over him. Shane smirks, looking all over Ryan’s body and Ryan’s eyes close for a moment, trying to blend out everything but the presence above him.

 

Then, Shane touches his side and Ryan sighs, allowing the warm hand trail up over his ribs, then down his chest to settle on his stomach.

 

“So.” Shane speaks, finally. “You want me to mark you.”

It’s not a question, but Ryan nods anyway.

“You said you want me to do it in the way you won’t be able to hide them. But… are you serious about that? I won’t be mad if you tell me you want them everywhere but in plain view.”

Ryan swallows and clutches to his pride, chest swelling a little as he answers.

“I know. I really know that. But I want them _everywhere_. I promise you. Please, Sir. Please mark me in all the ways I can’t hide it. Show everyone that I’m yours.”

Shane smirks down on him and puts a palm against Ryan’s cheek. Ryan sighs and leans into it, feeling some of the tension melt away.

“That’s right.” Shane murmurs above him. “You’re mine. All mine. Every...”

He leans down and kisses Ryan’s cheek.

“Fucking...”

The lips travel to Ryan’s neck.

“Inch...”

Teeth nip at his collar bone for just a second.

“Of your body.”

Shane’s mouth and teeth close around Ryan’s nipple and as he sucks it into his mouth and oh so softly works his teeth around it, Ryan can’t suppress the moan. But he does manage almost a full sentence.

“Yes, Sir. Yes. I’m all yours. Mark me all over, tell everyone how I belong to you, please.”

Shane pulls back.

“Alright. Hmmm… there is so much beautiful skin of yours…” His hand settles on Ryan’s stomach and runs up over his chest. “I can’t decide where to start.”

He grabs Ryan’s chin and turns his face to look at him. Ryan swallows, tilting his head up a little.

“W-what you called me earlier…”

Shane searches his face, calmly.

“I called you baby-boy in the bathroom, yes. Did you like it or dislike it?”

Ryan feels heat pulse in his face, but he refuses to be embarrassed.

“I- fuck, I really liked it, Sir. I don’t know why- I just- fuck. I’m sorry.”

Shane hushes him and leans in to kiss Ryan, tilting his face so he can deepen the kiss slightly. Ryan sighs and kisses back and slowly moves his hands on Shane’s shoulders.

 

When Shane pulls back, he’s smiling.

“Please, never feel bad about wanting me to call you something, okay? But also, if I call you something you don’t like, you have to tell me that, too. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“So...”

Shane tilts Ryan’s chin up again and then softly runs his fingers down Ryan’s neck, after that his chest, his stomach and abdomen.

“You wanted marks. And I will give you marks. So lie still, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Ryan drops his hands next to his head and closes his eyes. His head is still tilted back and he can only imagine what he looks like, right now. A picture of complete submission, presenting himself to be claimed. A shiver runs through him and it’s definitely tinged with arousal.

Shane’s hands still stroke his naked skin, keeping it from cooling in the air of their bedroom.

 

Then, warm lips trace his right peck, leaving little kisses that are barely more than a brush of skin and finally, they latch onto his skin right over his sternum. Shane sucks the skin against his teeth, holding the pressure and the tiniest flick of the tip of his tongue brushes Ryan’s skin and he gasps.

Shane then keeps sucking on his skin, worrying his teeth over it just slightly. He pulls up and releases the spot with a soft pop and Ryan exhales, feeling the cool air on the wet spot. Shane trails over, latching onto another part of Ryan, right above his left nipple.

 

Over the next fifteen minutes Shane keeps working marks on Ryan’s torso. Sometimes Ryan looks down through his lashes. He sees how some bruises aren’t bigger than the nail of his thumb, while the ones where Shane has brushed and tugged at larger patches of skin with his mouth are bigger and much more visible. Some of them have spread a little: Dark red marks with a soft reddened corona around it. Shane is currently working on a spot on Ryan’s shoulder and Ryan has to keep his eyes closed, because he is getting emotional at the soft expression his boyfriend is wearing. On top of that, Shane’s touches and kisses and bites have an effect on him, but he tries to ignore the growing arousal in favor of having Shane mark him even more.

 

Then, Shane latches onto his throat. He takes Ryan’s hand and squeezes it, as if offering Ryan to safe tap out right now if he changed his mind. Instead, Ryan whines and presses closer to Shane’s mouth. He feels teeth settle around the bit of flesh and groans as Shane works it between his front teeth before sucking hard to pull the blood underneath the skin upwards. Ryan squirms a little and Shane presses their linked hands into the mattress, pinning Ryan down and a shudder runs down Ryan’s spine.

 

“Shane...” he moans as Shane pulls away again, only to focus on a spot right next to the old one. He is going to join hickeys and as soon as Ryan realizes, he tilts his head to give Shane better access and whimpers with the need of it.

 

His neck is attacked over and over, trailing across his collarbone and back up to his shoulder and Ryan can only imagine the chain of smaller and bigger bruises. It’s wonderful. Shane leans over him and latches onto the other side of his throat. This time, however, he opens his mouth wider and bites at the juncture of Ryan’s neck and shoulder. It’s not an especially hard bite, but Ryan still jolts as he feels the pressure of many, many teeth against his skin. For a while, Shane just applies pressure there, occasionally tonguing at the spot, before he pulls back by dragging his teeth over the skin. Ryan shivers and his legs spread a little as the arousal heightens.

 

He feels his muscles twitch where Shane has pushed and sucked and nipped and Ryan needs a moment to realize he is shaking. A hand settles on his cheek and he opens his eyes to look up at Shane.

 

“Color?”

Ryan swallows.

“Green. I- thank you. Thank you so much.”

Shane hums softly.

“Anything for my sweet baby-boy.”

“I’m- I’m sorry I got hard over this.”

Shane chuckles and kisses him softly.

“No reason to apologize. It’s attention. Simple biology.”

“Still… it’s not what I asked of you-”

“Hmmm you should know by now that this is definitely okay with me.”

Shane moves on the bed and sits up against the headboard. He pulls Ryan close and wraps his arms around him. Ryan settles his back against Shane’s chest and sighs when that mouth pushes against his shoulder again. He lets Shane work, feeling relaxed and slightly sleepy despite the hard-on, until Shane pulls away again and moves to whisper in his ear.

“Better take care of that, then, baby. Come on. I know you know how to make yourself come.”

Ryan swallows.

 

“Is- Is it okay if I-”

“Do it.” Shane’s voice is a low growl.

“Come for me while you are all marked by me, show me how you’re mine, Ryan. _Do as I say_.”

Ryan gasps and shoves a hand down his pants. He grasps his dick which is hard and hot against his palm and whines. Shane’s arms tighten around his chest and Shane kisses the side of his neck, right in the middle of the chain of small bruises.

“That’s it, baby-boy. Do it. Make yourself come for me.”

Ryan starts to stroke himself, no patience left for slow and languid. He jerks himself fast and desperate and it barely takes more than Shane’s teeth digging in the yet unmarked flesh for him to twitch and groan and cover himself in sticky, desperate release.

 

Ryan can’t remember when he last came that quickly and he feels like he should be embarrassed, but instead he is melting into Shane’s arms and lets him move him so Shane can mark his neck even more. Ryan registers that Shane is finally letting him go and that a cool tissue or something similar is dragged over his hand and stomach, the smell of the disinfectant of the wet wipes hits his nose for a moment, but it’s only after Shane settles with him in bed that Ryan realizes he is warm, he is clean and-

 

He looks down.

 

He is absolutely _covered_ in hickeys. They paint little patterns, similar to starry night constellations over his stomach and chest. Ryan cranes his neck to look at it, which obviously doesn't work that way. But what he can see is that it seems to be a color burst of reds, pinks, browns and blues. Ryan runs a hand over the skin, feeling just the tiniest spots where the skin is barely swollen. He blinks, still in post-coital haze, but when Shane tilts his face up, he focuses on his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

“Good?”

Ryan nods slowly.

“Wonderful.” He mutters.

Shane runs a hand through his hair.

“If you regret it tomorrow, I can lend you a scarf.”

Ryan huffs.

“I know what I’m doing, Shane. I won’t regret it. I promise.”

Shane smiles softly.

“Alright.”

He pulls Ryan into a kiss, soft and sweet and a little sleepy. Ryan moves closer to cuddle him and Shane starts to rub circles on his back.

 

When they are almost nodding off, Ryan can hear Shane murmur:

“For the record: You might be all mine, but I am also all yours. You know that, right?”

Ryan squeezes Shane a little tighter.

“I know.”

“Want to… leave one on me?”

Ryan slowly disentangles himself and pulls back to look up. Shane looks completely serious.

“Are you… sure?”

Shane smirks.

“I also know what I’m doing. And I also won’t regret it.”

Ryan swallows, unsure. Shane holds up a single finger.

“One. Just one. For now, at least. You _can_ make it visible, if you want.”

“Oh.”

 

Ryan looks at Shane’s tank top, mapping the skin in front of him, thinking, contemplating.

 

Slowly, he moves in. He presses a kiss to Shane’s collar bone and is rewarded with a sigh. Carefully, he latches his lips to the space right above it. A t-shirt or closed button up would hide it away, but Shane’s button ups are usually just a little bit too open, showing off _just_ that tiny extra patch of skin and if he were to do that tomorrow, the spot would definitely be visible.

Ryan sucks Shane’s skin between his teeth, starts moving the sharp edges carefully over the soft, pale spot, soothing it with his tongue at the same time. Shane hums above him, melting into the mattress while Ryan works and works. Shane’s hand dives into Ryan’s hair and strokes his scalp and Ryan sighs against Shane’s skin.

 

Finally, he pulls away, releasing the skin with a soft pop. Right there, on Shane’s collarbone sits an almost perfectly circular, deep red spot, stark against the pale skin. It seems to spread under Ryan’s eye and Shane brings up a hand to touch it, rubbing it slightly with his fingertips. He is smiling contently and Ryan could vibrate out of his skin with how happy he is. Their eyes meet again and he can’t help it.

 

He laughs, breathlessly and happy and Shane’s chuckles soon join his soft wheezes and then he is wrapped up in his boyfriend’s ridiculously long limbs and they roll across the bed until Ryan is settled on Shane’s chest, head resting right on the love bite and he realizes that all the tension he has battled the entire Sunday has melted from his body.

 

“Thank you.” He whispers against Shane’s chest, eyes sliding shut.

A hand lands on his back, heavy and reassuring.

“Any time, baby-boy. Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I do my research but I don't have much first-hand experience. If I write anything that might be considered dangerous or wrong, please let me know!
> 
> (This is not a How-To, despite the name. If you're interested in Dom/sub relationships and BDSM, please research actual guides!)


	8. Wear me and Take me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the night before, Ryan carries Shane's lovebites proudly. He also might have found out about a new kink on the way.  
> -  
> The hickeys and markings from the last chapter make a return here. Again, there is the topic of possessiveness (it's wanted). There is clothes' sharing, (brief) scent marking, anal fingering, prostate stimulation and handjobs. Praise is huge in this chapter, as is over-the-top sappy fluff. Because I can't help the fluff. These two love each other a lot, okay.

When Ryan steps out of the shower on Monday morning, he pauses after toweling himself dry to look at himself in the mirror. He’s a sight. It’s actually kind of breathtaking. Ryan sometimes has his moments where he gets self-conscious about what he looks like, but in general, his body image is okay. He knows he has nice muscles and his body-type is what people consider pretty attractive. He finds a lot of things about his face that are weird to him, like his forehead which is truly huge. But Shane doesn’t seem to mind, on the contrary, whenever Ryan points out anything that’s weird about his looks, Shane is quick to comment on it. Sometimes he makes a little quip about it, like the forehead thing he had commented that it was just because Ryan was keeping a lot of brains in there. When Ryan had gotten grumpy about gaining a small roll on his stomach, Shane had simply kissed the spot and then put his head on it, commenting that Ryan’s stomach was always the best thing to snuggle against, with skinny fat and without. It doesn’t always solve the problem and Ryan doubts Shane considers himself capable of that, but it keeps the bad feelings at bay and that is what counts.

 

Now, with all the marks in place, Ryan thinks he looks like the hottest fucking thing he has ever seen. It’s a strange thought, being attracted to your own image, but he guesses, it’s more that he is attracted to him being clearly claimed and owned by Shane. He tilts his head. One side of his neck has a chain of little bruises trailing down, clustering on his collar bone before trailing off in little specks that spread over his entire torso. There are a bunch near his belly button, several on his shoulders and arms and the big one on the other side of his neck. He looks at it, leaning close to the mirror. He can see the thin red line that Shane’s teeth left. In the middle of the almost round mark sits a decently sized bruise that is starting to go purple. Ryan runs his hand over the trails, fascinated with how _many_ there are. He swallows, suddenly overcome with emotion. He can’t exactly recall how long Shane took in the end, he remembers the initial span of a quarter of an hour, but it feels like Shane has been leaving spots on him all night. Ryan smiles at his reflection, before he gets dressed, brushes his teeth and styles his hair.

 

When he leaves the bathroom, Shane is already up and making breakfast. Ryan walks up behind him and wraps his arms around Shane’s middle, giving him a tight hug, his face leaning against his boyfriend’s shoulder blade.

He hears him laugh and when he pushes on his tip toes to kiss the back of Shane’s neck, he hears him say: “Good Morning,” in his cute, rumbling morning voice.

“Good Morning.” Ryan answers softly. “Thank you again for last night.”

Shane twists a bit in the hug, turns his head and catches his cheek, kissing it.

“You’re welcome, love. Come on, eat breakfast or we’re gonna be late.”

“Alright.” Ryan grins. He almost slips up and says _Yes, Sir!_ but it feels strange saying it as a joke now. It’s not really a joke anymore, he muses, while shoveling eggs into his face. He’s fine with it. Calling Shane “Sir” feels special, like something that belongs only to them. But he doesn’t want to make the other man uncomfortable or spring it on him outside of scenes, so he decides to keep it in the bedroom for now.

 

Shane steals another kiss before heading for the shower himself. When they grab their stuff to leave, Shane plucks his jean jacket from the hook next to the door and throws it over his shoulder. Ryan looks at him a little confused. It’s hot as fuck outside and there is no need for jackets. Shane merely smiles a bit.

 

“Just in case. Call me paranoid.”

“I’ll call you all sorts of things.”

“When I’m not around? Rude.”

Ryan laughs and he would really like to hang out in their entry way the whole day but they have work to do.

 

When Ryan gets in the car, he notices Shane’s eyes are on him.

“What?”

Shane simply smiles at him and Ryan flushes slightly as he notices his gaze wander over his neck and chest. Ryan smiles shyly. He picked a black v-neck t-shirt on purpose, because it leaves his neck and half of his collar bones free. The big bruise and teeth marks are barely half covered and the collar bone that is covered in reds and purples and blues peeks out just enough to show. The red spot on his sternum sits right above the collar, presented like Ryan is wearing a necklace. He swallows as he sees Shane take it all in.

“I gotta apologize, Ryan.” Shane smiles as he looks at his face. “Until earlier I still expected you to maybe change your mind.”

Ryan flushes a bit and smiles.

“Well, I wasn’t entirely sure, either. And I’m still nervous because I’m sure I’ll be a bit embarrassed. But I like them so much… I want to show them off.”

Shane leans over and kisses his shoulder, smiling at him with such tenderness that Ryan’s heart swells.

“I’m glad you like them. Now _everyone_ will know who you belong to.”

Ryan swallows, feeling a tingle in his stomach.

“Yeah?”

Shane grins a bit.

“Yeah. Who do you belong to, Ryan?”

“You.” Ryan realizes his breath is going a bit faster. “I belong to you.” He pauses for a moment and sees how Shane lifts his head just a little, glancing down at Ryan over the bridge of his nose, expectantly. As if he’s waiting for…

“Sir.” Ryan adds, throat a bit dry. Shane breaks into a smile. He reaches out and strokes Ryan’s cheek and Ryan has to really keep it together so he doesn’t make a noise at that.

“Good boy.”

Well, shit. Ryan sure hopes the half-mast he’s sporting right now will relax till they make it to work. He hears Shane laugh as he starts the car and Ryan feels humiliated and thrilled and _glorious_.

 

-

 

When they enter the offices, Ryan could swear he feels eyes on him. There are colleagues who pass them in the hall and just say their quick hellos, not wanting to stop, probably having to go somewhere. He is almost at his desk when Adam passes him. The man gives him a nod and a slight smile but then stops in his tracks, frowning for a moment. Ryan forces himself to keep walking as if nothing happened. He sees Adam turn to look after him out of the corner of his eye and basically feels his eyes burn into the back of his head. There are no hickeys on the back of his neck, but he’s pretty sure Adam got a good look on those that are visible. He suddenly wishes he had a scarf but he instantly fights against the sentiment.

 

Ryan wants to show them off. Even if it’s a little embarrassing. They don’t have to shoot a video today and if someone asks him to be on a random one, he’ll definitely decline. He is not _that_ much of an exhibitionist. Still, when he sits down at his desk, he feels an excited thrum. Adam was probably not the first and only one to have noticed, he was just the first one to have a visible reaction in front of Ryan. It makes him smile, oddly enough and he feels a bit of the tension pass when Shane smiles at him from his desk.

 

He gets some work done after that. If someone else notices him, Ryan doesn’t pay enough attention. People don’t really pass by their desks this morning and Ryan gets it. On Monday, everyone is busy, tired and a bit out of the loop. He is glad he has some time to work.

 

Shane has to leave his place halfway through the morning and he leaves Ryan with a kiss pressed in his hair and a murmured “See you at lunch.” Ryan smiles after him before he returns to his paper. He has almost forgotten why he felt bad the day before. A reminder is paraded past him not even an hour later.

 

“Come on Dylan, keep it up. We still have to take three other deliveries over there. You gotta be a bit more speedy if you want to be a real help.”

Ryan pauses and removes his headphones, not sure if he should turn around. He definitely caught the name Dylan and the memory of the guy on Friday makes his stomach turn a bit. However, the voice that had called out was _Shane’s_ and Ryan slowly looks over his shoulder, slightly confused.

 

Shane walks up the aisle between the desks, pulling a cart stacked with mail after him. Based on the big sticker on the front of one of the deliveries, he’s heading for the Ladylike HQ. After him stumbles a familiar figure. Ryan can just see the bit of ginger hair over a stack of smaller boxes that shift haphazardly left and right as the person carrying them seems overwhelmed. Shane makes no move to help him, he simply keeps walking, winking at Ryan as he passes their desks.

 

“Dylan! This is no moment to hang out and chat with the other people, that’s what the break is for! Come on, chop, chop!” He calls out in a voice that sounds like he is a weird, strict teacher at college. Ryan snorts a bit, slightly because Shane sounds _very_ different when he gives Ryan orders and mostly because the statement is a laugh. Sure, Shane worked hard, but he was definitely the type to stop and chat with people whenever, not just on break. Dylan tries to follow him as good as he can, too distracted to spot Ryan. As he passes, Ryan feels a laugh bubble in his chest. He doesn’t really know what the hell is going on, but he is amused.

 

-

 

Later, at lunch, Shane is more than happy to explain the story.

“So earlier this morning I ran into Freddie and we talked about the party on Friday and she mentioned that she still needs to move all the decoration from the party room back to Ladylike and that that means that she doesn’t have the time to pick up all the deliveries for the next video so I said I could send her an intern I had some… differences with.”

“Wait...” Ryan feels his stomach drop. “Did you tell them?”

“God, no! I just mentioned that he is a _big_ fan of Unsolved and he is too focused on hanging with us so he doesn’t get shit done and we don’t get shit done. So they agreed to take him in and put him to work.”

Ryan presses a hand to his mouth. He doesn’t know if he should laugh or be touched by Shane’s little scheme. It’s technically a really shit thing to do to an intern, but Ryan has absolutely no problem knowing that Dylan is now an errand-boy for Ladylike. He glances at Shane who seems smug and very pleased with himself and Ryan finally lowers his hand and _wheezes_. Shane’s smile breaks into a wide grin, eyes crinkling and all and Ryan shakes his head slightly.

“You’re the worst. I fucking love you.”

Shane’s answer is a cheerful eyebrow waggle before he gets up.

“Want some soda?”

“Yes please.”

Ryan hands Shane his empty plate and watches after him, feeling warm and really fucking over the moon.

 

“What in the everloving hell happened to your neck, Ryan?”

Ryan freezes, feeling himself sit up a little. A chair is pulled out next to him and he glances over as the newcomer turns it and sits on it backwards. It’s Daysha and she looks a little startled, but Ryan knows she is like half a step away from getting smug with him.

Ryan flushes, but he doesn’t try to hide the bruises. Instead he feels a smile tug on the corners of his mouth.

“Nothing in particular.”

“Uh-huh. So did you get in a deathmatch with an octopus or was Shane a bit… unhinged?”

Ryan chuckles.

“Shane is rarely unhinged. He is the most hinged partner I ever had. Probably the most hinged _person_ I know.”

Daysha lifts her eyebrows and looks at him like she has a hard time believing it.

“I mean it.” Ryan says, still a bit giddy. “Shane is extremely in control.” He pauses for a second, realizing that he made a joke without meaning to. “At least with thiskindof- _listen_ , Daysha can we _not_ talk about this _here_?”

He feels a little close to hysterics, not sure if he will be able to stop laughing once he starts.

Daysha seems unimpressed.

“I’m just asking. You look like you got attacked.”

“I wasn’t attacked.” Ryan grunts, slightly annoyed. “I might have… well…” He rubs the side of his neck and mutters the rest of the sentence. “Asked him to do it.”

 _Now_ her face turns smug and Ryan just shakes his head and wishes he had his drink already to distract himself a bit. He can hear her chuckle a bit.

“Fine, fine. I don’t need the details…” She gets up and Ryan catches her smile. “I’m definitely gonna take a picture of you unaware, though.

“Hey, don’t… slut-shame me.” Ryan barely gets the sentence out, struggling between embarrassment and laughter.

“Me? Never. I’m only gonna point out that your neck has too many colors now. You’re not the type for that big of a color palette.”

“Fuck off, Daysha.” Ryan says affectionately and she blows him a kiss and gives him a wink before she does, indeed, fuck off.

 

Ryan smiles down at the table when suddenly, something soft settles around his shoulders. He looks up and Shane leans in to kiss him on the temple, pushing a soda can in his hand.

“Oh. Thanks.” Ryan looks at his shoulders. Shane has placed his denim jacket over Ryan.

“Maybe it’s time to put on an extra layer. If you close it, it will hide nearly all of them.”

Ryan’s smile twitches and he knows he is blushing.

“Maybe, yeah.” He says as he puts his arms through the sleeves and starts to button the thing up. He pops the collar and looks at Shane.

“How do I look?”

Shane eyes him up and down, smiling.

“Good. Still like you’re mine.”

That makes Ryan swallow hard. He shifts in his seat, acutely aware of people knowing that the denim jackets were Shane’s thing and that everyone would know that Ryan is wearing his boyfriend’s clothes.

“I see.”

“That okay with you?” Shane leans on the table casually, but the fact that he asks shows that he’s ready to take it back any second.

Ryan can only nod, not really trusting his voice. _God_ he never had the urge for a quickie at work, but right now he can understand people who do.

 

“We should go back to work.” He finally manages. Shane smiles at him.

“We really should, yeah.”

 

When they are leaving, Shane leans in a bit, far away from any prying ears.

“Do you want to keep it on?”

Ryan sucks in a breath.

“Yes.”

“Good boy.”

 

He’s glad when he’s sitting at his desk again. His legs feel wobbly.

 

-

 

Ryan’s distracted for the rest of the day. He fiddles with the cuffs of Shane’s jacket and sometimes catches his boyfriend’s eyes when he looks over from his desk right next to Ryan’s and it’s slightly mortifying but also really nice. Ryan really has to get back to the script he is editing because otherwise he won’t be able to go home at the same time Shane leaves. So he hunkers down and puts on the right music and goes into the _zone_ he falls in and keeps editing. It works, eventually. He still occasionally touches the denim, but it’s only an unconscious gesture that sometimes puts a smile on his face. Finally, he shuts his computer down and stretches his arms over his head, hearing his back crack a little. Jen, who sits across from him looks up with a pitying expression, before her eyes flicker to the now unbuttoned jacket and her eyebrows jump up. When Ryan catches her eye he winks and puts a finger to his lips and she just shakes her head and ducks back behind the computer. Ryan hears Shane chuckle next to him and looks over. Shane’s computer is already off and his boyfriend has his elbow on his desk with his head leaned on his hand. He’s watching Ryan.

 

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

 

Ryan suddenly feels breathless again.

 

-

 

When they pass the threshold to their flat and the door falls closed behind them, Ryan feels a prickle on the back of his neck as if Shane’s gaze is boring a hole in the back of his neck. He swallows but doesn’t turn around. Maybe that is why he yelps when suddenly, arms wrap around his middle and turn him around. Shane already has his knees bent by the time Ryan faces him and he unceremoniously throws Ryan over his shoulder, fireman-style. Ryan clings to Shane’s back and feels his eyes widen as Shane rises to his full height. He can hear the other man struggle a little bit, if the grunt he catches is anything to go by, but Ryan can’t help it. Shane grabbing him and throwing him over his shoulder is pretty fucking hot, so he tries his best to keep where he is as Shane carries him through the flat.

 

Once Shane reaches their bedroom, he leans forward to drop Ryan on the bed. Shane’s arm comes up to support his back, so Ryan isn’t thrown like a sack of flour, but he still feels the air being knocked out of his lungs as he hits the mattress.

 

Shane stands up. He looks a little flushed, which makes sense because Ryan has muscle weight and Shane rarely works out and for a second, Ryan could giggle. There is something funny about the inversion of the cliché of the strong Dom and weak sub, but he decides that he likes seeing Shane flushed with a bit of sweat to his brow. It’s really fucking attractive.

 

“ _Strip_ , Ryan.”

_Oh shit._

Ryan swallows hard and complies, removing his shoes and socks first. He’s about to reach up when Shane amends:

“Keep the jacket on.”

 

Ryan has to take a second to breathe out because this day has been a bit more exciting than workdays usually are and the _tone_ in Shane’s voice is electrifying. If Ryan had to describe it, he would say he could sense possessiveness, interest in what was going to happen and a hint of amusement. Ryan undoes his pants and shucks them off, underwear following until all he is clad in is the v-neck and Shane’s denim jacket.

He leans back on his elbows, half-hard dick on display as he slowly looks up at Shane.

 

Shane is smiling as he looks at him.

“Good boy. I’ve seen how distracted you were at work, but you still focused and powered through so we could get home on time.”

Ryan swallows. Sometimes he wonders how the fuck Shane is able to read him _so well_. It’s borderline mystic, but he will definitely not interrupt a scene to discuss if Shane has supernatural powers or something.

 

“God, look at you.” Shane still hasn’t moved from where he is standing, but he reaches out a hand to brush over Ryan’s naked knee where his leg is propped up a little. “All excited and waiting for me, bearing my marks and wearing my clothes.”

Ryan bites his bottom lip and whimpers as Shane’s hand runs up his thigh, getting close to his hip bone.

“You love this, don’t you? Being wrapped up in me, marked by me, all mine and nobody else’s.”

Ryan nods.

“Yes, Sir.” If he’s honest with himself, he hadn’t been aware of _how much_ he loves it, but if today was anything to go by, Shane was right.

Ryan’s legs fall open without Shane even having to push against them and the mattress lowers when Shane sits down on the corner of the bed, still running his hand up and down Ryan’s leg.

 

“So beautiful like this. I should take a picture of you, so I can recall this moment.”

Ryan groans, letting go of his bottom lip because he would otherwise bite through it. His dick twitches as he imagines himself spread out on the bed, naked and hard with Shane’s jacket draped over him and a fully dressed Shane standing next to the bed, taking a candid shot with his phone as if Ryan is on display, just for him.

“I think I should do it, what do you think, baby-boy?”

Ryan gasps as Shane grabs the inside of his thigh, fingers digging in the flesh.

“Yes-” He sucks in a breath and starts again. “I think you should, Sir. Please.”

Shane smirks at him and Ryan knows he’s blushing but he holds the gaze.

“Good choice, baby.” Shane leans over to cup Ryan’s chin and tilt his head up. “Then I can show you how beautiful you look. Later.”

Ryan swallows as Shane’s fingertips brush his throat. He hears a hissed order to stay how he is and then Shane is standing up, digging his phone out of his pocket. Ryan keeps his head up, realizing that he is displaying the bruises on his neck and when he hears the sound of a picture being taken, he can’t help it, he moans. His mouth falls open a little, tongue pushing against his bottom lip and the shutter goes off again. He hears Shane chuckle.

 

“Dirty boy.” He whispers and Ryan whimpers again and ducks his head. Shane’s hand runs through his hair and brings up his face again and Ryan can see the soft, loving expression on his Dom’s face.

“Don’t be ashamed. I appreciate it. Just because it doesn’t have the same effect on me, doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely love it when you let go and get all _desperate_.”

He growls the last word, leaning in so his breath tickles Ryan’s ear and Ryan swallows again, unsure what he is supposed to do, allowed to do.

“Do you like it when I talk to you? Talk about how beautiful you are, how gorgeous and sexy?”

Ryan bites his bottom lip again, tries to hold Shane’s gaze but it’s intense and he quells a little under it.

“Yes.” He finally manages. “Whatever you want to call me, I love it all.”

“So trusting.” Shane runs his thumb over Ryan’s bottom lip, presses slightly against it and drags it down. Ryan huffs through his teeth. He’s so hard it nearly hurts, but right now, Shane’s attention is solely focused on his face and Ryan is pretty sure he would set of fire if the attention extended on his entire body.

 

“The lube is in the drawer to your left. Grab it for me, will you?”

The hand moves away from Ryan’s face and he nods enthusiastically and rolls over to grab it. While he rummages around in the drawer, Shane’s hand settles on his leg and runs upwards, until it settles against the swell of Ryan’s ass and Ryan hisses again, Shane’s hand almost cool against his slowly heating skin.

His fingers find the bottle while Shane softly kneads one of his cheeks and Ryan is sure he could probably come right now if he just rubbed himself a bit against the sheets underneath. Instead, he slowly pushes the drawer shut and rolls on his back again, holding out the bottle to Shane.

 

“Good boy.” Shane takes it from him, long fingers dragging over Ryan’s in the process and Ryan shudders as even a touch that simple and innocent sets his nerves on fire.

“Hmmm.” Shane scrutinizes him for a moment and then leans over to grab a pillow. “Lift your hips, baby-boy,” he mutters and Ryan obeys. The pillow is slipped under his hips, propping him up a little and Ryan shifts so his back is against the pillow at the headboard. He shivers in anticipation.

 

Since Ryan fingered himself open on the couch, they haven’t done anything that involved anal, but Ryan knows that Shane has plans. They bought toys, they talked about it, but Ryan also knows that Shane is always careful with pushing new territories. He assumes that in this case it might actually be because it’s something Ryan knows a little more about, at least in the practical sense and Shane prefers to take over control only when he is absolutely sure about what they are doing.

 

Shane parts Ryan’s legs and slips between them before pushing up on his knees. Ryan, in order to fight his nervousness busies himself with Shane’s jacket. He pulls the sleeves over his hands, so that only his fingertips peek out. Usually, Ryan doesn’t go for cute. He goes for handsome or sexy or funny and Shane rarely calls him cute because he knows Ryan can get a bit grumbling at that. Ryan’s not tall and despite his muscles he’s not always imposing. He knows he falls in the “cute” category sometimes, but he usually doesn’t like it.

 

Right now however, settled in a bunch of pillows, wearing his boyfriend’s jacket and covered in his markings, he feels … a bit small. In a good way. A ways he wants to emphasize, because it makes him feel more than ever that Shane is in control and taking care of him. Maybe it’s the “baby-boy”, maybe it’s the jacket, but Ryan wants to hand off his worries and fretting and concerns by the door and just… _be_. Shane doesn’t seem to mind it all, he even shoots Ryan a soft smile when he spots Ryan burrowing himself in his jacket. Ryan puts his covered hands close to his chest and glances at Shane, who is settled between his legs and uncaps the lube, tilting the bottle over his hand-

 

“Ah! W-wait-” Ryan shrinks a bit as Shane tips the bottle back to stop the lube from dribbling out and looks up at Ryan.

“Something wrong, babe?”

“N-no. I just. Don’t you want your gloves?”

 

They had ended up buying the gloves at _Keys_. Ryan was happy about it, because he wants Shane to be comfortable and safe. Both of them have a clean bill of health, but anal fingering and all that can still be a bit iffy, especially if you’re in general not into getting in touch with ejaculate or someone’s genitals. Ryan remembers the first time he tried it out for himself and shoved in a finger. Despite the lube, it had been a bit gross and he can absolutely understand why Shane wouldn’t want that.

 

Shane, however, smiles down at him and leans over to kiss his forehead. Then he tilts Ryan’s chin up again to kiss him on the mouth and it’s so warm and soft that Ryan can’t keep in a sigh.

“You’re so sweet, Ryan. So careful and attentive and considerate. God, I wish you knew how much I love you for that. I think it’s my favorite trait about you.”

Ryan swallows, heat raising in his face. At the same time, his dick twitches, because Shane leans back with a catlike smirk and dips the bottle again to drizzle lube on his fingers.

“It’s fine today. I want to make sure I feel exactly what I’m doing, the first time. Do you mind?”

Ryan has to clear his throat first.

“Of course not. God. Please… please, Sir. I want your fingers inside me.”

 

Ryan realizes he is getting a bit overwhelmed. Whether it’s the day of the constant reminder that he is Shane’s and Shane is his or the trust Shane has for him or the fact that his boyfriend, as sex repulsed as he can be in the big picture, is so happy to do this for him, just to make Ryan feel good.

He brings up his hands and buries his face in the sleeves of Shane’s jacket. The denim is a little rough against his face but he can still imagine how much the fabric carries Shane’s smell and that it might cling to Ryan’s face now and the thought of scents shouldn’t be this exciting, but it really is.

 

“Ryan.” Shane’s voice is soft and warm and Ryan peeks at him between his hands.

“I know it’s a lot, but I need you to watch, alright? I need you to tell me how it feels and if what I’m doing is good for you, alright? You know more about this than I.”

Ryan nods and slips his hands away from his face. He wiggles a bit till he is absolutely sure he’s comfortable. His hips are propped up and he reaches down to spread his ass for Shane and there is a twinge of satisfaction as he hears the soft _Oh_ from his Dom above him. Ryan’s chest swells with pride as Shane runs his clean hand through Ryan’s hair.

 

“You’re such a good boy, Ryan. It’s like you can tell what I need you to do before I even say it. Amazing.” Shane smiles down at him and Ryan feels a wobbly smile form on his own face.

A finger presses against his hole, slowly rubbing the lube over the spot.

“Ryan. I want you to feel good tonight. You deserve it for being so, so good all day. You’ve been all mine, unapologetically and unashamed. At the office on top of that. We haven’t even spoken about that and you just took it like a champ.”

Ryan whimpers as he feels his cheeks heat up even more, skin feeling dry as if all the moisture has evaporated somehow. Then Shane’s fingertip slips in and Ryan closes his eyes, sighing as Shane penetrates him. It’s something he has wanted for a while, of course in whichever way Shane wanted. He hasn’t even entertained the idea of Shane’s raw fingers inside of him but here he is, opening up to him, taking him-

A groan works its way out of his throat and he rolls his hips a little, feeling Shane slide deeper and Ryan instantly stops, mortified.

“Sorry.” He whispers. “I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to rush.”

Shane braces himself over him and kisses his cheek.

“It’s okay baby. This is about you. All about you. I want you to feel good and go at your own pace. Tell me what you want.”

Ryan is breathless and overwhelmed but when Shane’s lips travel to his temple, he sighs and feels a relaxed smile settle on his face.

“More.” He sighs. “Can you give me more? Add another finger?”

“Of course.” Shane rumbles above him. He sounds almost amused.

The finger withdraws and pushes in again, another pad pressing alongside it – Shane’s middle finger, Ryan thinks – and then inside and Ryan feels Shane slide inside, deeper this time and Ryan feels fuller.

“God. Yes. Thank you. Just like that.” He gasps and Shane kisses his forehead, still soft and sweetly.

 

The fingers start moving inside of Ryan, pulling out and pushing in, first only up to the second knuckle but then, with a slight shove they push in as deep as they go and Ryan flinches, whimpering Shane’s name and the lips wandering along his face press a quick peck on his nose.

“So good for me.” Shane murmurs. “So open and beautiful. So ready to take me. God, Ryan. You deserve everything you need. And you have no idea how beautiful you are like this.”

Dry fingertips drag over Ryan’s neck and press against the side and the soft sting there tells him that it has to be in the middle of one of the bruises. Ryan groans and feels precum roll down the length of his dick.

“Shane…” He whispers. For a moment he thinks of many things to say, the fingers inside of him still thrusting, but he can’t think of anything else than: “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ryan, my sweet baby-boy.”

Ryan keens and rocks against the fingers inside of him.

“Do you want more?” Shane’s lips graze his ear.

“Please-” Ryan nearly chokes on his breath as a third finger plunges inside of him and he feels wonderfully stretched and full and explored. The fingers wiggle inside of him a little, claiming the space and Shane presses deeper until Ryan drops his head back on the pillows and whispers _yes yes yes_.

“Tell me where.” Shane mutters above him, crooking his fingers a little as he rubs them against Ryan’s walls and slowly works his way out again.

Ryan gasps and feels his mouth water as he can feel Shane move inside of him.

“There-” He gasps suddenly and Shane stills, fingertips grazing so close to that spot and then-

 

Shane’s other hand wraps around Ryan’s erection. The fingers are no longer dry, they are also coated in lube and Ryan groans as he feels his ass flutter in response, clenching down on Shane’s fingers. The lips on his ear drag down and over and then Shane claims his mouth, the fingertips inside of Ryan finding his prostate and rubbing experimentally and Ryan nearly screams in Shane’s mouth.

 

His hands ball to fists, clutching the denim of Shane’s jacket in them as the fingers inside of him push up and add continuous pressure and Shane’s other hand speeds up, the slick noise echoing in their room as lube mixes with the precum that is milked out of Ryan and he kisses back weakly.

“Shane-” He whispers as he regains breath and Shane kisses his forehead.

“Come for me, Ryan. You’re so gorgeous like this, so beautiful. I wanted to make you feel good the whole day. I thought about this, wanted you on our bed and in my clothes, comfortable and loved and like _this.”_

The hand around his dick squeezes him and pulls up, the thumb rubbing over the head and staying there, continuing the circles as the fingers inside of him thrust hard and fast and repeatedly and Ryan sobs as he is coming, the orgasm pumped out of him by Shane’s fingers and his words and cum shoots on his shirt and Shane’s jacket as his legs quake and he brings both hands to his mouth to keen into the fabric as his whole body starts to shake.

 

For a second he is all tense muscles and arched back and ass tightly clenched around Shane and then he exhales and drops back on the bed, melting into the mattress and Shane pulls his fingers out and Ryan moves his hands away from his mouth to gasp for breath.

 

 _Holy shit._ He thinks before closing his eyes. For a while, he just stops thinking and accepts the warm, boneless feeling.

 

-

 

By the time Shane carefully wipes his dick and legs and ass clean he is halfway back in reality. Ryan allows himself to float a bit. Nearly everything feels far away. The slight ache in his muscles, the wetness that soaked into his shirt, the feeling of overstimulation as Shane cleans him up, as careful as he is. The only thing that feels real and solid is the weight of Shane’s jacket and he curls up in it as much as he can, feeling happy and giggly and so, so good.

 

It’s a strange feeling, almost as if drunk or high and after a while, the back of his mind can be focused again and Ryan remembers reading about subspace. He thought he had experienced it before, but this was a whole new level to it. Shane is talking to him, he notices, but he can’t really follow the words much. He is grateful when Shane dries him after the wet, warm washcloth cleaned him up and then a blanket is drawn over him and his wonderful, lovely, perfect boyfriend moves in his field of vision.

 

Shane is lying down next to him, rolled over so he can face Ryan and Ryan smiles at him, happy and sated and he can see Shane laughing. It’s the laugh Shane sometimes lets out when Ryan tells him how honest he is about his feelings. The very slight incredulous expression that goes with it tells him so much about Shane. Of course, Shane loves him and feels loved by him, but sometimes his boyfriend seems to have a bit of a hard time understanding how _much_ Ryan loves him. Ryan frowns. This won’t do.

 

So he pushes forward until Shane gets the memo and wraps him in his arms. Ryan smiles and buries his face against Shane’s collar bone.

 

“Love you.” He manages. “I love you, Shane. I love you, Sir.” He rubs his face against Shane’s chest, nuzzling him. “So good. It feels so good to be yours. I wanna be yours forever.”

Under normal circumstances, Ryan would have a hard time to say these things, at least without blushing. But right now, it feels so obvious to tell Shane and when he gets wrapped in a tight hug, he knows it’s good that he said it.

 

-

 

Ryan takes a while to come back to his brain fully. By that time, he has made peace with the fact that he might have gone a little too sappy and decided not to be too ashamed about telling Shane the truth, especially because his boyfriend looks at him with such adoration, almost overwhelmed by it, that Ryan can’t understand why he hasn’t put it in words before.

 

Shane helps him shed the jacket and shirt and put on some underpants at least. Some time between Ryan’s orgasm and them cuddling, Shane has changed into his sleep wear and Ryan is overjoyed that his boyfriend doesn’t have to get up again and get changed. He scoots closer and grins at him and he knows it’s sappy and stupid and really fucking cheesy. The amount of cheesy that would get him to turn off a romantic movie. But Ryan feels like he somehow gets it now, all those stories and writings and poetry and songs about loving someone “too much”. Maybe it’s an after effect of the orgasm. He could have oxytocin poisoning, who really knows. Ryan only knows that he is tired and fucked out and feels really good and Shane has his arms around him and kisses his forehead and it’s great.

 

“Wow.” Shane finally says. Ryan flushes a little.

“Yeah.” He says. “Uh. I got a little carried away, I guess?”

Shane’s eyes twinkle as Ryan meets them.

“Oh never worry about that. I’m just thinking I should have done this a long time ago.”

Ryan laughs, waggling his eyebrows at Shane.

“Done what? Finger me or tell me all those things or mark me or put me in your clothes?”

“Hmm.” Shane smirks as he gives him a look as if he is taking in a scientific theory. “Honestly? I think it’s the combination of it all that got us these results.”

Ryan laughs and pulls Shane in to kiss him. He feels especially happy and brave tonight, so he decides to say what he’s thinking.

“It was amazing. I feel really fucking good.”

Shane’s face lights up as he grins at Ryan. He seems very pleased.

“Wanna hold you.” Ryan says softly. “Big spoon or little spoon?”

Shane’s eyebrows twitch up and Ryan is happy when he sees a dusting of pink on his cheeks. Finally, Shane smiles at him and takes Ryan’s hand. He turns so his back is to Ryan and squirms until Ryan can spoon him and Ryan feels soft and warm as he wraps his arms around Shane and pulls him close. Shane curls up as if to make himself smaller and Ryan kisses the back of Shane’s neck, just as he did in the morning.

“Love you.” He whispers. After some thought he adds: “Thank you.”

Shane puts his hands over Ryan’s and squeezes them softly.

“Love you too, baby.” He pulls one of Ryan’s hands up to kiss the fingers and then he curls them against his chest, letting out a deep sigh.

 

Ryan holds Shane until his boyfriend falls asleep, the after effects of his orgasm still thrumming in his body in some way or another. He briefly wonders again, if Shane somehow has magic powers. But it’s late and he decides to push the investigations to another day. Instead of thinking, he buries his face in Shane’s pajama shirt and smiles.

 

Part of him wants to take a picture of this moment as well. But he would have to let go of Shane for that, so instead, he curls up closer, holds the other man close to him and allows himself to slip away and just dream instead.


End file.
